A man who claimed to be a free thinker laid down for a nap.
"I am unwell" he said, "In fact, I feel like crap".
That he was deathly ill FreeThinke was unaware;
his doctor didn't tell him because he simply did not care.
"Thinke is a racist asshole and everyone hates his guts".
The doctor laughed when he found a nasty fungus growing on the Thinker's nuts.
"This disease that's attacked Thinke's balls..."
"...means he does not have long left before the Grim Reaper calls".
"You're in excellent health Mr. Thinke", the doctor lied.
Later that evening FreeThinke died.
He never woke up, a relative informed the Thinke clan.
A celebration party that day they proceeded to plan.
Meanwhile, FreeThinke, aware he had shuffled off his mortal coil,
ascended to the sky and not that place where you burn or boil.
A figure in shimmering white robes appeared before the Pearly Gates;
Thinke's assumption was that the Lord himself was there to welcome one of the Greats.
"Welcome to the afterlife my good and faithful servant".
"You've done so many deeds that prove you've truly earned it".
"A devout and pious Christian man I am", the Thinke chap agreed.
"Few have served you better" I always have believed.
The Trump chauvanist Thinke, a smile on his face;
was not prepared for what came next, something that caused his grin to be erased.
Throwing off his cloak, the figure then revealed, "I'm not who I appear".
"You assumed I was a servant of the light, but you were quite wrong I fear".
FreeThinke dropped to his knees and cried, "there has been a huge mistake".
"Oh no" Satan replied, "you lived your life as a fake".
"You're no follower of Jesus Christ, with a heart so full of hate".
"You absolutely will not be admitted to Heaven on this date".
With a wave of his hand the Prince of Darkness opened a portal straight to Hell.
"I played a practical joke on you, Thinke" Old Scratch found it hilarious to tell.
FreeThinke tried to scream, but Satan grabbed him by the throat.
"You're coming with me, you Evil man, it isn't up for a vote".
Suddenly Saint Peter appeared; "Satan be gone" he commanded.
"You too, FreeThinke, your name is not in the Book of Life" the doorkeeper reprimanded.
"Fuck you, Pete" FreeThinke roared.
"That I'm a beter man than you is a fact that cannot be ignored".
"An egomaniac, a racist, a bigot and a misogynist is what you are".
"Even though you realize it not, your soul is black as tar".
"Get lost" Saint Peter told FreeThinke. "There is no way you will get in".
"You are a man who is unrepentant for a life lived full of sin".
"That is not true" FreeThinke protested, but Peter turned his back and walked away.
"Your eternal torment awaits" Satan chimed in. "Let's get going without delay".
What makes this an "epic", as opposed to simply "dramatic" or "lyrical" poem?
ReplyDeleteBecause I say so.
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