"I will wash my feet in the blood of my enemies" Franco Aragosta screamed as he pressed the trigger of his machine gun, spraying bullets into the crowd. "Die, Marxicrat scum" Franco cried as the bodies fell. Screams of terror erupted from the crowd and soon people were stampeding for the exits.
Franco continued pumping bullets into the enemy as his unfortunate prey found the doors locked. Franco laughed maniacally as bullets impacted flesh and blood spurted from wounds. "Head shot" Franco remarked, smiling as the cranium of one of his fleeing pussy-hat-wearing targets exploded.
"Nice shot, my son" a caucasian man in flowing white robes standing next to Franco while firing his own machine gun remarked. "Thank you, Jesus" Franco replied. Soon it appeared that everyone in the auditorium was dead. Mangled and bloody corpses were strewn everywhere.
"Now we must flee before the authorities arrive" the son of God declared. "Not yet" Franco exclaimed. Jesus knew the reason they had chosen this theatre, so Franco was perplexed that his savior would suggest leaving before their main target was not known to have perished.
Suddenly two men wearing black suits and sunglasses opened fire. "Secret Service agents" Jesus warned, turning to face the adversary. Bullets hit the body of Christ but ricocheted away doing no harm. Jesus smiled as he returned fire, filling one of the Secret Service agents with lead.
"I will protect you, my child" Jesus remarked calmly, throwing up a forcefield to protect Franco. Just in time. A hail of bullets that surely would have ended Franco's life hit the holy shield and were deflected. Jesus dropped the shield and Franco returned fire, cutting down the second Secret Service agent.
Franco and Jesus approached the stage, victorious. "Don't harm me" a frightened voice pleaded from behind the podium. "I know you are there, Hillary Clinton; come out" the son of God commanded sternly. Hillary Clinton emerged from behind the podium. Her pantsuit was soiled and she was quivering in terror. Her mascara ran as she began to cry.
"Please don't kill me" Hillary Clinton pleaded. "Judgement is upon you, oh evil one" the Messiah intoned. "You may do the honors, Franco" Jesus said and Franco began pumping bullets into IT. His ammunition ripped through the former First Lady's body like a blowtorch through warm butter. She dropped to the floor and expired. But Franco did not stop. For several minutes he held down the trigger of his fully automatic firearm. Hundreds of shell casings clattered to the floor.
Soon the body of the former First Lady was reduced to naught but red jelly. "You got what's coming to you, bitch" Franco screamed, spittle flying from his open maw, his face red with rage. Franco removed his red MAGA baseball cap and wiped the blood from his brow, then hawked a loogie into the puddle of goo that was once Hillary Clinton (president of the United States, as per the popular vote).
"That was extremely satisfying" Franco remarked, pointing at his crotch. Looking where his companion indicated, Jesus noted that Franco was sporting a rock hard erection. Jesus gave Franco a thumbs up. Then the son of God spoke, "you have defeated the Hildabeast. Your nation owes you a debt of gratitude, although the law will not see it that way. The building is currently surrounded by the police and Secret Service. They will be coming for you soon, my son. Intent on taking your life".
Franco was alarmed, then he remembered that he was standing beside Jesus Christ. Surely Jesus had a plan that would get them out of this jam unharmed. "What shall we do, Jesus?" Franco implored. "If we had left when I said we should, we could have gotten away before the authorities arrived" Jesus replied. "Now there is no escape".
"Except for an all powerful being such as myself" Jesus added. "You, however, are doomed". Franco was about to object, but Jesus raised his hand. "Silence" Jesus commanded. Jesus furrowed his brow and thought. "I shall perform a miracle and teleport you to safety". "Great, let's do that" Franco agreed, looking worried.
Jesus waived his arms about while speaking in tongues. To Franco's amazement a swirling portal materialized. Just then there was a pounding at the auditorium doors, which burst open. Officers in body armor rushed into the room. "Throw down your weapons. NOW!" one of the men commanded.
"Quickly my child, you must depart immediately" Jesus told Franco, pushing him toward the portal. Franco entered the swirling gateway and found himself instantly transported back to his room at the old folk's home.
Except he had not been transported at all. Instead he found he was waking from a dream. One he had many times before. Only a dream, although an extremely vivid one. Franco began to weep. Hillary Clinton - The Beast, the Servant, the Handmaiden, the Henchman, the Toady, the Slave and Asskisser to everything vile - he realized, was not dead, but very much alive.
At least a Godly man like Donald Trump held the presidency. Praise Jesus for that! Franco rose from his bed, slipped on his robe and shuffled over to his computer. Turning it on, Franco waited while Windows booted up. Then, as soon as he was able to connect to the internet, Franco navigated to the blog Who's Your Daddy.
"I will fight evil the only way I am able", Franco muttered. "Not with a machine gun, but with my keyboard". Franco took pleasure in knowing that, as he typed his words of hate and submitted them (thereby smiting his enemies), the Lord smiled upon him. For he was certain that those he hated were hated by the Lord as well. Of that Franco had no doubt whatsoever.
However, unbeknownst to him, Franco was being manipulated by Satan. "This fool is my pawn" The Prince of Darkness chortled. "I am able to easily puppeteer him via my stooge Donald Trump. Soon his soul will be mine". Satan licked his lips in delight. These trumpers, many of which considered themselves pious Christian followers of God, were walking right into his trap. Thinking about the souls this would net him caused Satan to laugh heartily.
