Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Mystere Has A Very Merry Christmas

Mystere and his husband Rikishi drove together in the Pinkie Toot Toot (a pink Chevy that was an engagement gift from Rikishi to Mystere). Rikishi was behind the wheel with Mystere riding shotgun. The two husbands having decided to take a trip to the local mall for some last minute Christmas shopping. "Am I going to get to see Santa?" an excited Mystere queried his mate. Rikishi, who was busy concentrating on driving in the hectic California traffic, ignored his husband.

"I'm going to get to see Santa, right?" Mystere asked again. "Yes, yes. You can talk to Santa" an annoyed Rikishi replied. "F*ck you!" Rikishi suddenly screamed as he pulled in front of a large pickup truck. The pickup driver slammed on his breaks and honked his horn. "Asshole" an angry voice shouted. Rikishi stuck his arm out the window and flipped the driver the bird.

Finally they made it to the mall. Rikishi circled the parking lot, looking for a space. Mystere, a huge grin on his face, chanted "Santa, Santa, Santa" over and over. "Can you just drop me off at the front entrance?" Mystere finally asked. "Sure" his husband agreed. Rikishi pulled the Pinkie Toot Toot around to the front of the mall. Mystere jumped out, shouting "call me on my cell when you get inside". Then he ran into the mall.

Mystere found the line to talk to Santa, but was disappointed at how long it was. "Damn" Mystere grumbled, noting all the parents with their kids in the cue to talk to Old Saint Nick. "I really need to make sure Santa knows what to get me for Christmas" Mystere whined. "What's that" a Mom in line in front of Mystere said, turning around. "I wasn't talking to you, bitch" Mystere replied. "Then who were you talking to?", the woman, an African American lady, asked.

Mystere looked annoyed. "Shouldn't you be in line to talk to the jig Santa?" Mystere shot back. "What did you say to me?" the woman asked, anger in her voice. "White Santa doesn't deliver presents to jigs" Mystere explained. Man, this woman was stupid. "Does he deliver presents to gooks?" the annoying woman replied. "Racist!" a shocked Mystere exclaimed. Then he spotted a security guard. "I'm going to report you" Mystere told the woman. He waived the security guard over.

"Hello" the security guard, a White middle-aged man with a crew cut, said as he approached Mystere. "Is there something I can help you with sir?". "Yes" Mystere confirmed. "This jig just referred to me using the racist term gook". "Oh my" the officer replied. "That wasn't very nice" he said, turning to the African American woman. "And in front of your child!".

The woman looked shocked. Then enraged. "But officer, did you not hear this man just call me a jig?". "Hmm..." the officer replied. "But you are a jig, aren't you?". The officer, behind his back, flashed Mystere the White power sign, indicating that they were on the same team.

The African American mom's kid started crying. "Why don't you come with me to the font of the line, sir" the mall cop said, addressing Mystere. "Yes, please" Mystere replied, liking what he was hearing. The mom turned to comfort her crying child as the mall cop guided Mystere to the front of the cue. Then something occurred to him. "Where is your child?" the mall cop asked Mystere.

"I am here to see Santa" Mystere explained. He fumbled in his pockets for the folded up piece of paper on which he had printed his Christmas list. "But you're an adult" the security guard said, clearly confused. Just then a hulking wrestler approached the pair. "I thought I'd find you here" Rikishi said, getting his husband's attention.

The security guard, forgetting his conversation with Mystere, looked surprised. "You're the wrestler, Rikishi!" he excitedly exclaimed. "I'm a huge fan" the mall cop explained. "You know this man?" the mall cop said, assuming he did, since both men were Asian. "This is my bro, Mystere" Rikishi answered. "Cool" the officer replied. "My name is Jackson. Do you and your bro have a kid with you?".

"My bro is here to see Santa for himself. As a joke". "Hmm..." Jackson replied. "Sure, why the hell not? Anyway, this is the VIP line. If your bro wants to talk to Santa, he's up next". Santa dismissed the child on his lap and looked in their direction. Then he motioned for Mystere to bring his kid (he assumed) over. Mystere's eyes grew wide. "Santa!" he cried, running over to the fat bearded White man dressed in red. Mystere lowered himself onto Santa's lap.

"My" Santa exclaimed. "You are a little old to be wanting to talk to Santa, aren't you?". Santa's knee almost buckled under Mystere's weight. "A little heavy, too" Santa remarked. Mystere was so excited he didn't hear Santa's dig at his weight. Mystere unfolded his list. "What I want for Christmas" Mystere announced. Then he cleared his throat and began to read. "The number one item on my list is a sit and ride vibrating dildo chair.

Mystere reached into his pocket and drew forth another piece of paper, which he also unfolded. "Now, the one in this picture is Black, but I want a White one" Mystere said, presenting the paper to Santa. Santa looked stunned. "Next" Santa croaked. He motioned for another child to approach him. "You keep these" Mystere said, attempting to hand the papers to Santa. "Remember, I want a White/Caucasian dildo chair and NOT the Black/jig one" Mystere said as he continued to try to get Santa to accept his papers.

An elf, standing behind Santa, grabbed the papers. "I'll take them" the elf said. "Thank you Mr. Elf" Mystere replied. "Remember, I want a WHITE dildo chair". "Yeah, I see you have that written down here" the elf said, examining the paper. "As long as you're a good boy Santa will bring you a White dildo chair for Christmas. Consider your order placed" the elf assured Mystere, a smirk on his face.

"Thank you so much" Mystere said, turning to leave. Then he stopped, turned back, and gave Santa a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Santa" Mystere declared. Then he skipped away, his heart filled with joy. "You tell Santa about that dildo chair you want?" Rikishi asked his husband. "I sure did" Mystere replied. "The elf said that, as long as I was a good boy, he'd make sure I get my dildo chair"! Mystere said, beaming.

Christmas morning arrived and Mystere, so excited he could barely contain himself, ran into the living room butt naked, his teenie weenie flapping up and down. "Aren't you going at least put on your robe?" Rikishi asked. "I want to use my dildo chair right away" Mystere explained. Looking under the tree Mystere did not see a box large enough to contain the dildo chair. Mystere's heart sank. "What's wrong" Rikishi asked, perplexed at Mystere's sudden mood change.

"I don't see a box big enough to be my dildo chair" Mystere grumbled. A tear ran down his cheek. "That elf lied to me" Mystere concluded. "It's inflatable" Rikishi said. "So it could fit in one of these smaller boxes?" Mystere asked. "Exactly" Rikishi confirmed. Mystere's face lit up again. Soon the presents were opened and, after Rikishi spent a few minutes blowing up the dildo chair, Mystere was eagerly lowering his quivering and lubed up butthole down upon the flesh colored dildo.

"Weee!!" Mystere screamed as he bounced up and down on his dildo chair. "Oh, God, this feels fantastic!". Mystere used the remote to dial up vibrate to 10. Mystere almost lost his shit. "My anus thanks you, Santa!" a smiling Mystere cried out in ecstasy. "I don't know for how much longer my butthole can stand so much pleasure" Mystere remarked. "I'm glad you like it" Rikishi replied.

"Can I try it?" Rikishi asked. Mystere stopped bouncing. "OK, I guess so. You can take a short turn. Emphasis on SHORT". Rikishi dropped his jammie bottoms as Mystere squeezed some lube onto his open palm. "Let me lube you up" Mystere offered. He got down on his knees as Rikishi spread his enormous butt cheeks. After Mystere lubed up Rikishi's anus the wrestler lowered himself down onto the dildo. "AHHH!" Rikishi moaned in pleasure.

"Give me the remote" Rikishi said, motioning to his husband. Mystere handed him the remote and Rikishi dialed up the juice. "Oh my. You weren't kidding. This does an excellent job of stimulating the prostate". Then, imitating what his husband had done, the wrestler started bouncing up and down. Higher and higher Rikishi bounced.

Touching the ceiling, Rikishi lifted his legs in the air, then hit the ground with the full weight of all his 440 pounds. The seams let loose and the dildo chair exploded. Rikishi sat there, stunned. Mystere, a look of shock on his face, started crying. "Noooooo!!! You destroyed my dildo chair!" Mystere blubbered. "I think I fractured my tailbone" Rikishi, who was in quite a bit of pain, informed his husband through clenched teeth.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-93. TF-13.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Mystere Dabbles In Necrophilia

"Can I come in and sit down? How about over there". Mystere's ex-boyfriend Chad (who was currently standing just inside the vestibule off the kitchen, having entered from the back yard) pointed to the kitchen table. "No" Mystere said, standing firm. "Let me know what you want, then I want you to go". Chad looked uncomfortable. Then he said "OK, Mystere, since you've forced my hand I'll cut to the chase".

"I'm in deep trouble. Financially. I owe my bookie, Dick Peyronie, a lot of money. Since you're married to a successful WWE wrestler, I thought you could help me out". "No, no, no". Mystere insisted. "Rikishi made some bad investments and lost a lot of the money he accumulated back when he was younger. The truth is, he had to take a pay cut recently due to his declining popularity. Sorry, but I can't help you".

Then it hit Mystere. He knew this Dick Peyronie person Chad said he owed money to. It was some dude he used to have sex with, back when he was a member of NAMBLA. He specifically recalled a three-way he, Chad and Dick had participated in when Mystere was just 11 years old. That was the first time he'd had sex with another man.

Another man beside his father, that is (who started molesting Mystere when he was 7). Dick Peyronie, in fact, was the man most responsible for Mystere's prowess at oral sex. Mystere remembered it was Dick's member which he practiced on for hours until he became a pro at pleasuring the male organ.

"Just threaten to expose him as a member of NAMBLA" Mystere suggested. "Isn't the guy married? Threaten to tell his wife". "No, Mystere. I can't do that". Mystere looked confused. "Well, why the hell not?". "Because I'm a member of NAMBLA" Chad explained. "Sure" Mystere agreed. "We both were. But those guys took advantage of us. We're victims. Nobody will hold that against you, Chad".

"I'm not talking about when we were kids. I'm a current member" Chad explained. "Anyway, back to my financial problems. I, and I am quite embarrassed to admit this, got involved in an online fantasy football league. At first I won. But then I started losing. What I thought was a temporary losing streak that I'd turn around eventually ended up costing me a lot of money. Dick said he'd front me the money I needed to keep playing".

"I already sold my car. The cherry red ferrari you liked so much. And my parents disowned me when they found out I'm gay, so I can't go to them for money. I had to take the bus here, Mystere. I walked three miles from the f*cking bus stop to get to your house. Please, you're the only person I can turn to".

At this point Chad started weeping. What a pussy, Mystere thought. "Please, Mystere, you've got to help me" Chad pleeded. "Dick says he needs the money real bad and will hurt me if I can't get it for him fast". "No can do, Chad" Mystere said cooly. "I still owe Dick 5 thousand dollars. Probably not a lot for you. I've got to have it, Mystere" Chad sniffled. Mystere really didn't care. Then Chad made a big mistake and shoved Mystere. Or maybe he was coming in for a hug. But Mystere wasn't having it. He shoved Chad back.

Then he pulled Rikishi's 9mm out of his waistband and pointed it at Chad. "I want you to leave. NOW". Mystere, Chad could see, was dead serious. "Wait" Chad said, his voice quivering. He was clearly afraid of the gun. Mystere took out the silencer and screwed it onto the end of the weapon. Chad's face turned white and his eyes grew wide. "So, your mother tells me that you're going steady with Rikishi's sister" Chad whispered.

"What?" Mystere responded, confused. "Your mother, who I visited yesterday, told me that you're going steady with Rikishi's sister". Mystere lowered the gun, stunned. "The thing is, Mystere, Rikishi doesn't have a sister. I'd really hate to have to tell your mother that you're married. To a man".

Now Mystere was pissed. How dare Chad threaten to tell his mother about his living arrangement with Rikishi! Of course she would get the wrong idea and assume he was gay. Instead of totally straight. Which Mystere was. Mystere was so mad that, without even realizing it, he pulled the trigger. A silenced shot went off and Chad clutched his belly, then doubled over.

"You shot me!" an astonished Chad cried as blood gushed from his wound. "Oops" Mystere squeaked. "I didn't mean to do that". Chad staggered. "You've got to call an ambulance" Chad pleaded. "No way" Mystere exclaimed. "I don't want to go to prison!". Chad went down to his knees. Blood spurted from his belly onto the tiled floor. "Jeez, you're making a big mess" Mystere complained.

Chad fell over onto his side. Dead, apparently. "Oh no, what have I done?" Mystere wailed. "Stupid, Mystere, stupid". What he should have done was pretend to go along with giving Chad the money, had sex with him, then told him to get the f*ck out. That would have shown him. Now he was in big trouble. Rikishi was going to be so angry.

Mystere thought about it for awhile. After he finished crying. I've got to hide the body, Mystere decided. "Damn, I'd really liked to have sodomized Chad's anus one last time" Mystere lamented. Although who's to say I still can't? Mystere had to admit that he was suddenly quite curious about what it would be like to have sex with someone who had passed on.

Mystere rolled Chad's body over so he was face down. Then he pulled down his pants. "You've got this coming, Chad". Mystere's anger returned and he had hate sex with Chad's corpse. "I feel a lot better" Mystere decided after he'd finished. Then he heard Chad groan. What, he's not dead? Chad's eyelids fluttered. "Help me" Chad moaned. "Chad, you bastard! Why don't you die already"? Mystere picked up his gun from where it was lying on the floor. Closing his eyes, he fired in the general direction of where Chad had crumpled.

After opening his eyes, Mystere crawled over to where Chad was lying. This time he was sure Chad was dead, given that there was a bullet hole above his right eye. And the back of his head was blown off. Then Mystere realized that, if Chad had still been alive before, he hadn't had sex with a dead body.

"I guess I have no choice but to go again" Mystere concluded. First Mystere placed a towel over Chad's head. He didn't want to look at that while he humped Chad's dead ass. It took a little longer this go-round, but eventually (after a few minutes) Mystere came a second time. "Wow, I'm spent" a suddenly very sleepy Mystere remarked. "I think I'm going to take a nap". Mystere looked down and noticed that he was covered with blood. "I probably should take a shower first".

Mystere took a warm shower, then crawled into bed and went to sleep. A few hours later he woke up. "I had a really weird dream" Mystere said, still sleepy. "So vivid". Mystere got up, put on his robe, and made his way to the kitchen. He was really hungry. Then Mystere saw a body lying in a large pool of blood in the rear vestibule.

"Oh, my" Mystere exclaimed. "I guess it wasn't a dream". Mystere approached the body. "Look at this f*cking mess" an angry Mystere grumbled. "Your fault" Mystere yelled, kicking Chad in the chest. Chad rolled onto his side. Because his pants and underwear were down around his ankles, Mystere noticed something spectacular concerning his nether region. "Wow" Mystere said, impressed.

Mystere got a mop and pail and started cleaning up the blood. "I'll reward myself after all this hard work with a ride on that impressive erection" Mystere decided. Thank God Rikishi was gone for the weekend. When he left earlier in the day it was to go to the airport to fly to another state for a wrestling gig. Which meant that Mystere had all weekend to clean up this mess and get rid of the body. Also to have sex a few more times with his now deceased ex boyfriend.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-92. TF-12.

Thursday, November 22, 2018

The World Is Laughing At Our Idiot Predisent

As per the idiot dotard predisent, in Finland, "they spent a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things and they don't have any problem". Explaining why, in Finland, fires aren't a problem like in California. Turns out Forrest tRump only imagined the president of Finland told him that.

Finns Mock President Trump by Posting "Forest Raking" Photos Online... President Donald Trump stood near the charred remains of Paradise CA on Saturday (he called it "Pleasure") and said that Finland doesn’t have problems with destructive wildfires because that country "rakes" the forest. No one, including the president of Finland, had any idea what Trump was talking about. But the comment did spark a new internet craze, leading virtually the entire country to get outside and do their "haravointi", which is Finnish for "raking". (11/19/2018 Gizmodo article by Matt Novak).

Actually it's Finland's cold and wet climate and NOT raking that explains why they have fewer forest fires. This stupidity from the idiot-in-chief has to do with his mistaken belief that it's "gross mismanagement of the forests" (and not climate change) that explains the CA fire situation.

Even though "the majority of California's forests are federally held". So, if this dope things it's management that's to blame, it's his management (given that he's the head of the federal government).

This on the heels of everyone at the UN laughing at him after he moronically claimed that "in less than two years, my administration has accomplished almost more than any administration in the history of our country".

Remember that tRump said the world was laughing at us because we elected a Black president? That wasn't true, of course. The world was actually impressed that we elected Barack Obama. Given that we'd just had an idiot as the CIC. They may have concluded that we had learned our lesson after the disastrous gwb presidency. Now they know that Barack Obama was the anomaly and that, instead of electing someone smart to lead our country, stupid White people will (more often than not) chose the idiot.

Even though more people voted for Hillary Clinton and you know damn well the UN wouldn't have laughed at her. Unfortunately it isn't HRC, an intelligent and respected woman, that is representing us, but a stupid reality teevee buffoon. Why "a majority of Americans (61%) feel the US is less respected across the globe with Trump in the White House".

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-91.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Mystere And His Old Boyfriend Chad Reconnect

Mystere walked to the mailbox located at the end of his driveway in an Orange County California suburb. He was really depressed after the midterm election results. Mystere voted a straight GOP ticket, yet the OC threw out all their republican representives and replaced them with Democrats.

"This must be part of God's plan" Mystere mused. Soon the Deep State witch hunt will be revealed and Hillary Clinton will be arrested and jailed. Then (in 2020) Donald Trump will be elected to a 2nd term. As fireman Mark Taylor had prophesied. Just thinking of Satan's minon (the Hildabeast) behind bars caused Mystere to smile. He started skipping and chanting in a sing-song voice.

"Lock her up. Lock her up". No matter that it hadn't happened yet. Any day now Mystere was SURE that the headlines would read Hillary Clinton Arrested. Now that Jeff Sessions had been replaced with Matthew Whitaker, the Clinton arrest was sure to happen any day.

Mystere reached the end of the driveway. Opening the mailbox revealed a number of envelopes, most of them bills addressed to his husband, Rikishi. The house husband was so glad that he didn't have to worry about such things any longer. Rikishi, a successful world famous wrestler, was fairly well paid for his work as a WWE performer.

Mystere was about to close the lid when he noticed a package pushed all the way to the back of the box. Reaching in Mystere grabbed the parcel and withdrew it. Printed on the front of the rectangular box wrapped in brown paper was his name, Mystere. In the upper left hand corner, instead of a return address, the sender had written a friend. There was no postage or postmark. "I wonder what this is?" Mystere pondered. Possibly a mail bomb?

Mystere took the mail (including the box) inside. After dropping the bills on his husband's desk, Mystere looked around for his canine, Buttstink. "Is this a bomb, Buttstink?" Mystere held the box close to Buttstink's nose. "Buttstink says no" Mystere declared after reading the dog's expression. He shook the box violently. "I think that would have set it off" Mystere concluded. He placed the box on the kitchen table, then tore off the wrapping.

Removing a sharp knife from the butcher block, Mystere sliced into the packing tape that sealed the unwrapped cardboard box. Suddenly he slipped and cut a deep gash into the side of his hand. "Owww! My hand" Mystere screamed, dropping the knife. Blood sprayed from the wound. Mystere ran to the kitchen sink and ran cold water on his hand. The pain was unbearable. Mystere almost passed out from blood loss. He started crying.

"No, Mystere. Be a man" he commanded himself. Then he grabbed a kitchen rag and wrapped his owie. "F*ck the asshole who sent me this cursed package" Mystere lamented. But the box was open, so Mystere decided to look inside. Bending back the cardboard flaps, Mystere found an envelope. On the envelope it said To Mystere from your friend, Pookie Toot Toot. What could it be, Mystere wondered. Placing the envelope aside for the time being, Mystere dug into the packing peanuts.

Eventually Mystere fished out a half dozen paper envelopes. Written in crayon on each of the envelopes were the words Astral Mushroom Spores. "Am I supposed to smoke or snort them?" Mystere wondered. Maybe the letter would provide the sought after information. Opening the letter Mystere began reading. It said, "Mystere, I apologize for stealing your bong and three bags of weed. I couldn't help myself. Please accept as my apology the enclosed Astral Mushroom spores. Trust me, these will get you super high".

What followed were instructions on how to plant and grow the mushrooms. "Damn it" Mystere swore. "Why couldn't Pookie send me already grown mushrooms?". Mystere went out to the backyard. In the corner of the property was an old greenhouse, build by the previous owner. Mystere knew there were some bags of potting soil in there. He found some clay pots and scooped some of the dark, rich soil into them. Then he took the pots back inside.

Mystere opened the basement door. This was a dark damp place that would be perfect for growing mushrooms. Although it scared Mystere to go down here. There might be ghosts. Or one ghost, specifically. Flipping on the lights, Mystere carefully made his way down the stairs which creaked under his weight. Mystere placed the box containing the spores on a old wood table located in a corner of the basement. Along with the soil filled clay pots.

Mystere took one of the pots over to an ancient cast iron sink and ran some water over the soil, making sure it was good and damp. He opened one of the paper envelopes and sprinkled some of the spores over the moistened dirt, as per the hand written instructions. "That should do it" Mystere announced. Mystere glanced at an ice chest in the other corner of the basement. It was old, but still ran. Luckily.

Mystere didn't know where he'd keep his pizzas and ice cream sandwiches if it quit working. Also Chad's dead body. Mystere approached the freezer. It hummed loudly. Opening the lid, Mystere picked up some pizza boxes, just to check if Chad was still there. Mystere poked the body, which was wrapped in plastic. Chad was pretty solid by this time, having been frozen for over a year.

Mystere thought back to that day. His phone rang. Answering it, Mystere heard a voice say, "Mystere, it's me, Chad". Mystere was a little shocked, given that it had been almost a decade since he'd heard from his old boyfriend. "I thought you died from AIDS" Mystere replied icely. "No, I'm alive" Chad said. Silence. "I heard you got married" Chad said finally.

"You heard wrong. Unlike you, I'm not a fag" Mystere angrily replied. "Really? I heard you were cohabitating with the wrestler Rikishi". "Yes" Mystere confirmed. "For legal reasons we decided a contract would be best. Nothing wrong with two totally straight bros taking advantage of the fag marriage law to protect themselves. Legally speaking".

"You could have hired a lawyer to write you up a cohabitation agreement. As opposed to getting married" Chad interject. "Nah ah" Mystere countered. Silence. "So what the f*ck do you want, Chad" Mystere said after several seconds of uncomfortable silence. "I wanted to know if I could come see you" Chad explained.

"No. No way. I don't want to see you" Mystere answered. "I'm already here. I knocked on your front door but nobody answered. I saw Rikishi leave alone and figured you were probably inside the house". "Nope, I'm at the grocery store" Mystere lied. "Your car is in the driveway" Chad countered. "I went for a walk" Mystere lied again. "I'm looking right at you" Chad said, calling Mystere on his lie.

"Impossible. I'm in the bathroom sitting on the toilet. That's why I ignored the knocking". Then Mystere looked out the bathroom window and saw (to his shock) a face starring in at him. It was his ex boyfriend Chad. "Hi". Chad waved. Mystere hung up his phone. "Excuse me, I'm pooping" Mystere yelled at the face in the window. "Actually, it looks like you're masturbating" Chad remarked, peering in the window.

"I'm masturbating and pooping. Not that it's any of your business" Mystere replied angrily. "Is it ok if I just come in?" Chad asked. "I already tried the back door and it's open. I didn't want to barge in on you, however". "Sure. Come in through the back door. I'll meet you there". "OK. I'll do that" Chad said, then disappeared. Mystere quickly stood and pulled up his underwear and pants (without wiping). Then ran to the bedroom.

Mystere went to his knees and put his hands under the bed. Then he pulled out a metal box. After entering the combination (1-2-3-4-5) the box flipped open. Mystere pulled out his husband's gun, a black 9mm. Mystere tucked the gun into his waistband, then, after grabbing the silencer, headed to the back door.

Mystere entered the vestibule (off the kitchen) and immediately heard knocking. "Ok, I'm coming" Mystere yelled. "Can I come in?" Chad asked, opening the door. "Yeah, it looks like you're already doing that, Chad" Mystere replied. Chad shut the door behind him. "So, what is it, Chad?" an annoyed Mystere queried his unwelcome guest.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-90. TF-11.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Mystere Screws The Pooch

Mystere woke up the next morning smiling. "I have to get this down in my dream journal before I forget" Mystere muttered, reaching for a pad of paper on his nightstand. Opening up the notebook, Mystere, after licking the tip of his number 2 pencil, wrote My Gift Horse. Then he underlined it. Then he underlined it again.

Mystere was about to start writing about his encounter with a supremely well-endowed stallion when a thunderous fart detonated, causing Mystere's eardrums to rumble. "Mount Rikishi is about to erupt again" Mystere's husband announced. Rikishi tensed up his sphincter, then let another one rip. This one sounded like a determined sousaphonist, lungs full of air, blowing a long low sour note until his face turned red.

Mystere quickly pulled the covers over his head, dutch ovening himself. Huffing in the sulfurous gas through his nostrils and mouth, Mystere tasted his husband's fart. After a few minutes he emerged from under the sheets, eyes watering and smacking his lips. "Delicious!" Mystere exclaimed. "You're welcome" Rikishi responded. "Now go fix my breakfast. I'm going to go back to sleep for a half hour or so".

Mystere rose from the bed he shared with his husband. Slipping a terry cloth robe over his nude body, Mystere made his way to the kitchen. Walking down the hallway he felt a squish between his toes. Glancing at the floor Mystere spotted a huge dog turd. "Buttstink" Mystere grumbled. Mystere reached down and picked up the turd with his bare hands. He wrapped it in a tissue and put it in his pocket. "I'll save you for later" Mystere said, patting his pocket.

Mystere looked behind the living room couch. There he spotted his canine, Buttstink. Buttstink growled. "Come to daddy, Buttstink" Mystere cooed. He grabbed the dog by his collar and pulled him out. Buttstink snapped, but Mystere swatted him on the snout with a rolled up copy of Highlights. "Bad Buttstink" Mystere said sternly. Mystere turned the dog around, then got down on his knees so that his pelvis lined up with the canine's posterior.

"I'm going to give you the pleasure of a lifetime" Mystere declared as he slipped little mystere into the dog's anus. Buttstink yelped. Mystere grinded against Buttstink's rear end for a few seconds, then grunted and finished his business. "You're very welcome" Mystere announced. Wiping some sweat from his brow, Mystere stood.

Buttstink, taking the opportunity, ran. "Time for some toons" Mystere said, flipping on the TV. Taking a seat, Mystere found Powerpuff Girls on the DVR and pressed play. Awhile later, after a few episodes had played, Mystere heard some grumbling coming from the bedroom. "Is my breakfast ready?" Rikishi shouted. "Oh, no. I completely forgot!" a surprised Mystere exclaimed. The house husband ran to the pantry and, after frantically scanning the shelves, found a box of Cocoa Puffs, which he grabbed.

Mystere took the box to the kitchen, opened it and shook some puffs into a bowl. Adding some milk to the bowl, Mystere took a glass from the shelf and poured some OJ into it. Placing the bowl and glass on a tray, along with a spoon and some packets of sugar, Mystere carried the breakfast into the bedroom.

Mystere placed the tray on the bed. "Here you go, my love" Mystere declared. "What the f*ck is this!" Rikishi demanded, staring at the tray. "Breakfast?" Mystere squeaked. "You know I like steak and eggs" Rikishi angrily reminded his husband. "Steak and eggs, not f*cking Cocoa Puffs!" Rikishi screamed, picking up the tray and flinging it against the wall.

The glass and bowl shattered, a shower of milk and OJ spraying everywhere. "I'm going to shower and get dressed" Rikishi declared. "When I'm finished I expect steak and eggs. If not? There WILL be consequences" Rikishi warned his husband. Rikishi slammed the bathroom door and, a few seconds later, Mystere heard running water.

Rushing back to the kitchen, Mystere flung open the refrigerator. "Steak, steak steak... I don't see any steak!" Mystere cried. Looking in the freezer, Mystere found a single frozen steak. Finally! Mystere threw the steak in the microwave and hit defrost. "This isn't going to cut it" Mystere decided. He turned the power up to high.

Mystere was really sweating, worried that he wouldn't have the steak and eggs ready for his husband in time. "Hurry up, Mystere! Rikishi will tan my hide if I don't get this done ASAP". Mystere placed a frying pan on the burner and, after turning it on, added butter, then some eggs.

Soon the eggs were sizzling. Mystere added some cheese, then flipped the eggs. "Now for the steak" Mystere said, relieved. Just then he heard a loud explosion. Opening the microwave Mystere found the inside covered with bits of steak. Grabbing the pan of eggs, Mystere scrapped the steak bits in with the eggs.

Rikishi entered the kitchen. He did not look happy. "Is my breakfast ready?" the wrestler asked. "Yes, sir. It's coming right up" Mystere replied. Mystere scraped the contents of the pan onto a plate and brought it over to the table where his husband had taken a seat. "Ugh" Rikishi grunted. "This is a mess".

Rikishi grabbed a knife and fork and started cutting up the steak. Except his knife did not slice through a nice juicy piece of meat as he expected. Stabbing the meat with his fork, Rikishi touched the steak to his lips. "This is frozen!" an angry Rikishi announced.

"I don't have time for this" Rikishi decided as he shoveled the eggs into his open maw. "You! under the table" Rikishi commanded. "You can give me my morning BJ as I finish these eggs". Mystere got on his knees and crawled under the table as his husband demanded. After unzipping Rikishi's pants Mystere got to work.

Rikishi finished his eggs and sat back and enjoyed the oral pleasure his husband was providing. When complete, Rikishi wiped himself off with a napkin. Standing, the burly wrestler zipped up, then said "I've got a long day of wrestling ahead of me. Your punishment will have to wait until I get home tonight".

Rikishi strode toward the door where he stopped to slip on his shoes. Opening the door, Rikishi paused to say "I expect the housework to be complete when I return. I might go easy on you in regards to your punishment. It all depends on the job you do". The door slammed and Rikishi was gone. A few moments later Mystere heard the engine of Rikishi's Dodge Pinto roar, then the squeal of tires as the vehicle sped away.

"Finally, I can get back to my toons" a relieved Mystere remarked, dropping the frying pan into the sink. "I'll take care of this later". Mystere went to the fridge. "I need an Orange Fanta and some potato chips. My Little Pony should be on soon".

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-89. TF-10. See also the Fartbreath Mystere 10/8/2018 post "Dervish Screws The Pooch Again!".

Saturday, November 3, 2018

NPC Minus Programming Has Him Reading From The 4chan And Reddit Script Re The NPC Meme

Calling other bloggers "NPC" is an insult recently adopted by the blogger Minus FJ. At first I was confused. Having played Dungeons & Dragons, I am aware that an NPC is a "non player character". A character controlled by the Dungeon Master or by the game programming (as it was online gamers from whom this meme originated).

Initially I didn't make the connection, given that NPC is an RPG (role playing game) term, not a political one. I did figure it out, though. It's the trumper version of "sheeple". As per the following NYT article What Is NPC, the Pro-Trump Internet's New Favorite Insult?

Several months ago, users on 4chan and Reddit, the online message forums, started using the term NPC to refer to liberals. These people, they said, join the anti-Trump crowd not because they are led by independent thought or conscience to oppose President Trump's policies, but because they're brainwashed sheep who have been conditioned to parrot left-wing orthodoxy, in the manner of a scripted character. As a Reddit user, BasedMedicalDoctor, explains in a thread about the appeal of the meme, NPCs are "completely dependent on their programming, and can't do or think on their own". (10/16/2018 article by Kevin Roose).

Here I was thinking that maybe Minus came up with the "NPC" insult all by himself. But as it turns out, he's reading from the 4chan/Reddit/trumper script. Which makes him the real NPC, or "sheeple". I call these people Orange Turd cultists. And I came up with that by myself, btw. Although I had heard trumpers as being members of a cult of personality. Also, Googling "Orange Turd Cult" gets hits.

Whenever I think of something I like to Google it to see if anyone else has thought of it. In this case, others have. But I'm not reading from a script. I can think on my own, NPC Minus. I, for example, agree that "free trade" and globalism are problems. And I was disappointed that Obama supported the TPP. See the article I wrote on my primary blog "Sleeping with The Devil" titled Jimmy Fallon & BHO Catapult The Propaganda During Prez 6/9/2016 Tonight Show Appearance. In this blog post I criticize former President Obama his appearance on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon in order to promote the lie that the Trans-Pacific Partnership will be good for American workers.

This piece of propaganda took the form of the the popular Tonight Show segment "slow jam the news". I referred to it as "definitely a low point in the Obama presidency". It was because of this, and because Hillary Clinton (at least while Secretary of State) supported the TPP (calling it the "gold standard") that I voted for Bernie Sanders in the primary. I am however, truth be told, a long time Bernie Sanders supporter. Having become familiar with his positions via his weekly appearances on Thom Hartmann's radio and Free Speech TV program.

Additionally, in a comenary titled "If You're Sick Of Unending War You Should Vote For Bernie Sanders Over Hillary Clinton" I criticized HRC for her hawkishness. And I agreed with Donald tRump that we should get out of Afghanistan. A position he held right up until the time came for him to make a decision. And, despite saying previously that we should withdraw ASAP, he decided we are going to stay in Afghanistan indefinitely. Was there any outcry from tRump supporters who agreed with his prior position? Not that I'm aware of.

Long story short, there is no way you could characterize my informed support for Bernie Sanders and Bernie-Sanders-type Progressive Democratic positions as "NPC" in nature. NPC Minus, on the other hand, takes his sheeple marching orders from the Reddit script writers. Another example of this would be his recent comparison of people protesting tRump showing up in PA following the synagogue shooting.

That "the Democrat Party is about as unhinged now as the Westboro Baptist Church" is according to a thread on /r/The_Donald. Spank-da-monkey says "they think it’s ok to protest a funeral. Think about that for a minute".

-FJ: The Left IS protesting Jewish funerals and there's only one word appropriate for it. Disgusting! (11/1/2018 at 4:3am).

-FJ: They're just the self-righteous political A-holes who like the Westboro Baptist cult, have zero class and PROTEST AT FUNERALS. (11/1/2018 at 5:02am).

The protests were about the presence of tRump, not the funerals. Nobody was protesting Jewish funerals. I wonder how many hours a day NPC Minus spends at Reddit? Surely the answer can't be zero. Given how ON SCRIPT this fellow is. He may deny this accusation and say he does not regularly visit Reddit, but why then does NPC Minus come off as such a brainwashed sheeple who has been conditioned to parrot trumper/anti-cultural Marxism aka anti-globalist orthodoxy? And SO in the manner of a scripted character?

Image: "Orange man bad" is a meme brainwashed NPC trumpers use to avoid thinking when presented with any fact concerning how horribly corrupt the lifelong flimflamming fraud tRump is. This meme was recently deployed by NPC Minus when I linked to a 10/29/2018 NYT story titled Trump Persuaded Struggling People to Invest in Scams, Lawsuit Says.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-88.

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

MAGA Terrorists Try To Murder Prominent Democrats Demonized By The Orange Turd

MAGA terrorists, egged on by the rhetoric of the Orange-Turd-in-chief, have sent bombs to prominent Democrats (and one Republican critic). In an attempt, no doubt, to take out those predisent tRump has deemed "enemies of the people".

Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Obama, Mr. Soros and CNN have all figured prominently in conservative political attacks — many of which have been led by President Trump. He has often referred to major news organizations as "the enemy of the people", and has had a particular animus for CNN. ... The device sent to CNN was contained in a manila envelope addressed to John Brennan, who was the CIA director in the Obama administration and is a harsh critic of Mr. Trump. (Three Explosive Devices Sent to Clintons, Obama and CNN Offices by William K. Rashbaum. NYT 10/24/2018.).

Can there be any doubt, given the targets, that whoever is behind these attempted bombings, the probability is high that one or more of them is a red MAGA hat wearing tRump supporter? Unless it is just one red MAGA hat wearing tRump supporter.

republicans insist that peaceful protesters are "mobs" and that Democrats calling for holding tRump officials accountable publicly want violence... now this happens. Actual terrorism directed at the Left. Specifically people that a MAGA idiot might, as per tRump, consider an "enemy".

By the way, in case anyone brings it up, the Bernie Sanders supporter who shot the NAZI Steve Scalise did that on his own. Bernie Sanders has never labeled any of his fellow Americans an "enemy of the people". Or advocated violence, unlike tRump.

"right-wing violence appears consistently greater than violence by Muslim extremists in the United States since 9/11". That is per "A 2015 survey of law-enforcement agencies conducted by the Police Executive Research Forum and the Triangle Center on Terrorism and Homeland Security".

10/28/2018 Update: The terrorist responsible for the October 2018 United States mail bombing attempts has been dubbed the #magabomber. He has also been identified as Florida resident Cesar Altieri Sayoc Jr, a 56-year-old tRump supporter. In total Sayoc mailed a total of 14 devices, targeting Joe Biden (2 bombs), Cory Booker, Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris, Eric Holder, Barack Obama, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Maxine Waters, Robert De Niro, George Soros, Tom Steyer, John O. Brennan and James Clapper. Despite the Right-wing talking point being that these were "hoax devices", as per FBI director Christopher Wray, they were not.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-87.