Mystere Has A Very Merry Christmas

Mystere and his husband Rikishi drove together in the Pinkie Toot Toot (a pink Chevy that was an engagement gift from Rikishi to Mystere). Rikishi was behind the wheel with Mystere riding shotgun. The two husbands having decided to take a trip to the local mall for some last minute Christmas shopping. "Am I going to get to see Santa?" an excited Mystere queried his mate. Rikishi, who was busy concentrating on driving in the hectic California traffic, ignored his husband.

"I'm going to get to see Santa, right?" Mystere asked again. "Yes, yes. You can talk to Santa" an annoyed Rikishi replied. "F*ck you!" Rikishi suddenly screamed as he pulled in front of a large pickup truck. The pickup driver slammed on his breaks and honked his horn. "Asshole" an angry voice shouted. Rikishi stuck his arm out the window and flipped the driver the bird.

Finally they made it to the mall. Rikishi circled the parking lot, looking for a space. Mystere, a huge grin on his face, chanted "Santa, Santa, Santa" over and over. "Can you just drop me off at the front entrance?" Mystere finally asked. "Sure" his husband agreed. Rikishi pulled the Pinkie Toot Toot around to the front of the mall. Mystere jumped out, shouting "call me on my cell when you get inside". Then he ran into the mall.

Mystere found the line to talk to Santa, but was disappointed at how long it was. "Damn" Mystere grumbled, noting all the parents with their kids in the cue to talk to Old Saint Nick. "I really need to make sure Santa knows what to get me for Christmas" Mystere whined. "What's that" a Mom in line in front of Mystere said, turning around. "I wasn't talking to you, bitch" Mystere replied. "Then who were you talking to?", the woman, an African American lady, asked.

Mystere looked annoyed. "Shouldn't you be in line to talk to the j!g Santa?" Mystere shot back. "What did you say to me?" the woman asked, anger in her voice. "White Santa doesn't deliver presents to j!gs" Mystere explained. Man, this woman was stupid. "Does he deliver presents to gooks?" the annoying woman replied. "Racist!" a shocked Mystere exclaimed. Then he spotted a security guard. "I'm going to report you" Mystere told the woman. He waived the security guard over.

"Hello" the security guard, a White middle-aged man with a crew cut, said as he approached Mystere. "Is there something I can help you with sir?". "Yes" Mystere confirmed. "This j!g just referred to me using the racist term gook". "Oh my" the officer replied. "That wasn't very nice" he said, turning to the African American woman. "And in front of your child!".

The woman looked shocked. Then enraged. "But officer, did you not hear this man just call me a j!g?". "Hmm..." the officer replied. "But you are a j!g, aren't you?". The officer, behind his back, flashed Mystere the White power sign, indicating that they were on the same team.

The African American mom's kid started crying. "Why don't you come with me to the font of the line, sir" the mall cop said, addressing Mystere. "Yes, please" Mystere replied, liking what he was hearing. The mom turned to comfort her crying child as the mall cop guided Mystere to the front of the cue. Then something occurred to him. "Where is your child?" the mall cop asked Mystere.

"I am here to see Santa" Mystere explained. He fumbled in his pockets for the folded up piece of paper on which he had printed his Christmas list. "But you're an adult" the security guard said, clearly confused. Just then a hulking wrestler approached the pair. "I thought I'd find you here" Rikishi said, getting his husband's attention.

The security guard, forgetting his conversation with Mystere, looked surprised. "You're the wrestler, Rikishi!" he excitedly exclaimed. "I'm a huge fan" the mall cop explained. "You know this man?" the mall cop said, assuming he did, since both men were Asian. "This is my bro, Mystere" Rikishi answered. "Cool" the officer replied. "My name is Jackson. Do you and your bro have a kid with you?".

"My bro is here to see Santa for himself. As a joke". "Hmm..." Jackson replied. "Sure, why the hell not? Anyway, this is the VIP line. If your bro wants to talk to Santa, he's up next". Santa dismissed the child on his lap and looked in their direction. Then he motioned for Mystere to bring his kid (he assumed) over. Mystere's eyes grew wide. "Santa!" he cried, running over to the fat bearded White man dressed in red. Mystere lowered himself onto Santa's lap.

"My" Santa exclaimed. "You are a little old to be wanting to talk to Santa, aren't you?". Santa's knee almost buckled under Mystere's weight. "A little heavy, too" Santa remarked. Mystere was so excited he didn't hear Santa's dig at his weight. Mystere unfolded his list. "What I want for Christmas" Mystere announced. Then he cleared his throat and began to read. "The number one item on my list is a sit and ride vibrating dildo chair.

Mystere reached into his pocket and drew forth another piece of paper, which he also unfolded. "Now, the one in this picture is Black, but I want a White one" Mystere said, presenting the paper to Santa. Santa looked stunned. "Next" Santa croaked. He motioned for another child to approach him. "You keep these" Mystere said, attempting to hand the papers to Santa. "Remember, I want a White/Caucasian dildo chair and NOT the Black/j!g one" Mystere said as he continued to try to get Santa to accept his papers.

An elf, standing behind Santa, grabbed the papers. "I'll take them" the elf said. "Thank you Mr. Elf" Mystere replied. "Remember, I want a WHITE dildo chair". "Yeah, I see you have that written down here" the elf said, examining the paper. "As long as you're a good boy Santa will bring you a White dildo chair for Christmas. Consider your order placed" the elf assured Mystere, a smirk on his face.

"Thank you so much" Mystere said, turning to leave. Then he stopped, turned back, and gave Santa a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Santa" Mystere declared. Then he skipped away, his heart filled with joy. "You tell Santa about that dildo chair you want?" Rikishi asked his husband. "I sure did" Mystere replied. "The elf said that, as long as I was a good boy, he'd make sure I get my dildo chair"! Mystere said, beaming.

Christmas morning arrived and Mystere, so excited he could barely contain himself, ran into the living room butt naked, his teenie weenie flapping up and down. "Aren't you going at least put on your robe?" Rikishi asked. "I want to use my dildo chair right away" Mystere explained. Looking under the tree Mystere did not see a box large enough to contain the dildo chair. Mystere's heart sank. "What's wrong" Rikishi asked, perplexed at Mystere's sudden mood change.

"I don't see a box big enough to be my dildo chair" Mystere grumbled. A tear ran down his cheek. "That elf lied to me" Mystere concluded. "It's inflatable" Rikishi said. "So it could fit in one of these smaller boxes?" Mystere asked. "Exactly" Rikishi confirmed. Mystere's face lit up again. Soon the presents were opened and, after Rikishi spent a few minutes blowing up the dildo chair, Mystere was eagerly lowering his quivering and lubed up butthole down upon the flesh colored dildo.

"Weee!!" Mystere screamed as he bounced up and down on his dildo chair. "Oh, God, this feels fantastic!". Mystere used the remote to dial up vibrate to 10. Mystere almost lost his shit. "My anus thanks you, Santa!" a smiling Mystere cried out in ecstasy. "I don't know for how much longer my butthole can stand so much pleasure" Mystere remarked. "I'm glad you like it" Rikishi replied.

"Can I try it?" Rikishi asked. Mystere stopped bouncing. "OK, I guess so. You can take a short turn. Emphasis on SHORT". Rikishi dropped his jammie bottoms as Mystere squeezed some lube onto his open palm. "Let me lube you up" Mystere offered. He got down on his knees as Rikishi spread his enormous butt cheeks. After Mystere lubed up Rikishi's anus the wrestler lowered himself down onto the dildo. "AHHH!" Rikishi moaned in pleasure.

"Give me the remote" Rikishi said, motioning to his husband. Mystere handed him the remote and Rikishi dialed up the juice. "Oh my. You weren't kidding. This does an excellent job of stimulating the prostate". Then, imitating what his husband had done, the wrestler started bouncing up and down. Higher and higher Rikishi bounced.

Touching the ceiling, Rikishi lifted his legs in the air, then hit the ground with the full weight of all his 440 pounds. The seams let loose and the dildo chair exploded. Rikishi sat there, stunned. Mystere, a look of shock on his face, started crying. "Noooooo!!! You destroyed my dildo chair!" Mystere blubbered. "I think I fractured my tailbone" Rikishi, who was in quite a bit of pain, informed his husband through clenched teeth.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-93. TF-13.