Mystere pulled his Pink Chevy, the Pinkie Toot Toot in the driveway, parking under the carport. Exiting the vehicle Mystere remarked "I'll just throw my pants in the trash". Then he looked down at the driver's seat. "Oh, no!" Mystere cried upon discovering that the fabric was soaked with diarrhea. "Rikishi is going to tan my hide when he sees this!".
Mystere was panicked that his husband was going to be so angry. The Pinkie Toot Toot was a wedding gift from his long time boyfriend. "Now look at what I've done" a worried Mystere lamented. "Meh. I'll worry about it later. After I get out of my soiled clothing". Mystere went inside and took a shower.
After dressing he noted, with alarm, what time it was. "I'm missing the Powerpuff Girls" Mystere squealed, running into the living room. "Where is the remote?" Mystere exclaimed, frantically searching for the controller.
Finally Mystere located it and flipped on the TV. "Damn. I should have set a program" Mystere complained when he discovered the episode was almost half over. "Cool" Mystere remarked after looking at the Guide and noticing that there was a marathon running. 20 episodes of Powerpuff Girls followed the one he was watching. "Looks like I'm going to be staying up late tonight" Mystere proclaimed, a smile on his face.
Several hours later Mystere's husband Rikishi returned from work. "I'm home from a long day of wrestling" Rikishi declared upon entering the domicile. "You better have my dinner ready, Mystere" the wrestler muttered. Entering the kitchen, looking around and seeing no dinner, Rikishi exploded.
"Mystere, you are in big trouble!" the muscle bound wrestler roared. "Where the hell are you?" Leaving the kitchen he made his way to the living room. There he saw Mystere on the couch, his eyes glued to the TV screen. "Ha ha ha ha" Mystere laughed. Noticing his husband, Mystere said excitedly "Powerpuff Girls are on. Come watch with me". Mystere, setting his soda aside, munched on some popcorn while patting the couch cushion next to him with his free hand.
"Mystere, where is my dinner?" an angry Rikishi inquired. Mystere looked stunned. "Ohhhh... I forgot. Sorry". "Sorry is not going to cut it, Mystere. Did you even go grocery shopping today?". Mystere squirmed. "Yes, of course I did" he replied.
"Then where are the groceries?" Rikishi asked, his voice quivering with rage. He checked the pantry, the fridge and the kitchen table but there were no groceries. "You're lying to me AND you've been very naughty" Rikishi scolded his husband. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to punish you. If I don't you'll never learn".
"Ha ha ha" Mystere laughed uncomfortably. "You're kidding, right?". "No, Mystere. This time I mean it". Suddenly Mystere made a run for it. He was so scared he almost peed his pants. Rikishi sprinted after the fleeing Mystere and quickly grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. "I'll be gentle on you" Rikishi assured his lover. Then he forced Mystere to turn around. Mystere was shaking and whimpering softly. A wet spot appeared on the front of Mystere's jammie bottoms.
"I'll be a good boy" Mystere promised. "This is going to hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me" the wrestler said. Then he struck Mystere in the face with an open hand. Hard. Mystere started bawling. Tears were streaming from his eyes (causing his mascara to run). Rikishi slapped him again. Even harder the second time. Mystere started screaming.
"I'm so sorry" Mystere cried. "I'll never do it again". "Damn right you'll never do it again" Rikishi announced, annoyed with Mystere's blubbering. "Now be QUIET" the hulking wrestler demanded. "Please don't hit me again, Rikishi" Mystere pleaded.
Just then the room was bathed in a flashing red and blue light emanating from the outside windows. A police siren whooped. Then there was a knock at the door. "You stay here" Rikishi commanded. "Open up" a gruff voice insisted. Cracking open the door, Rikishi saw two uniformed officers. "We're here on a domestic disturbance call" the lead officer, an African American man of medium build, informed Rikishi.
"What?" Rikishi responded. "You must have the wrong house. Two bros live here. Yes, we were rough housing, but that's not domestic abuse". "We've been here before, remember" the second officer, a tall White woman with her hair drawn back in a bun, reminded the wrestler. "You been beating on your husband Mystere again?" the lady cop inquired.
"Don't be ridiculous, we were rough housing, like I said. And we're bros, not fags!" an indignant Rikishi replied. "Where is Mystere? We need to hear from him if he is OK or not" the first officer demanded. "I'm right here" Mystere squeaked, slinking up behind Rikishi.
"You need to open this door and let us in right now" the lead officer said loudly, losing his patience. Rikishi wasn't happy, but he knew the law so he opened the door. "I'm fine" Mystere blurted. His cheeks were a bright fiery red and his nose was bleeding. He also had a split lip.
The female officer approached Mystere, brushing past a stoic Rikishi. "Did Rikishi do this to you?" the lady cop asked. Mystere shook his head no. "Then how did this happen?" the female officer inquired. Mystere refused to answer. "Do you wish to press charges, sir?" the male officer asked.
"No, of course not" Mystere replied. Finally, after several more minutes of questioning, the officers departed. The female officer handed Mystere a card. "Call me if you change your mind about pressing charges" she said. "There is help for battered husbands such as yourself" the officer counseled Mystere. "You don't have to be afraid".
"So, you like rough sex?" Rikishi asked Mystere after the police car pulled out of the driveway and drove away. He was referring to the excuse Mystere gave that finally convinced the Fuzz to leave. "Yes, sir" Mystere agreed. "I told the officers we aren't fags" Rikishi exclaimed. "You made me look like a liar" the wrestler complained. "Are you a fag, Mystere?".
"Homosexuality is vile in God's eyes" Mystere whispered. "Damn right. You're going to have to pray to God for forgiveness again after I get done f*cking you" Riskish remarked. "Now follow me into the bedroom, you naughty boy". Mystere compiled, and soon the two husbands were engaging in some intense make-up sex.
Quite an elaborate fantasy you've got going here, Dervy.
ReplyDeleteThat's what happens when Dervy consumes the red 'shrooms, Thersites.
DeleteYou're the one who keeps talking about "shrooms", asshole. I think you're talking about what you were high on when you wrote your moronic "gay road trip" story.
DeleteMy account of Mystere the battered husband is not "fantasy". As you may recall, I am a mind reader. Using my powers, I looked into Mystere's (tiny) mind and found in his memory what you see here. I wrote down the events as Mystere remembers them. So, while the account above might not be 100 percent accurate (what with the limited storage capacity of Mystere's tiny bird brain), I think it's pretty damn close to being completely truthful.
ReplyDelete