Barbara Endo confronted her younger brother, Edward. "Look, Ed, I know you're gay. Mom doesn't know and it would kill her if she found out. I also know that you and your boyfriend plan on cohabiting here - as soon as we move out". Barbara was referring to the fact that she and her mother were moving to Torrance. Because their mother Kazuko had decided to sell the family home at 5301 Delong street in Cypress and place their father Tsugo in an assisted living facility (also in Torrance).
Ed looked at his sister angrily. "Bertha Butt, I'm not a homosexual and you know it" Ed sputtered. He almost jumped up from his chair in the kitchen and slapped Babbles across the face, he was so insulted. He stopped, however, afraid his sister would beat him up. "Babbles, being a libtard, you just think it would be cool to have a gay brother. But I'm totally straight. Fact is, I can barely keep the chicks off me. Every night a hotter chick wants to bang. And we have to go to her place for sex because I selflessly volunteered to move back in to help take care of dad".
Ed was referring to the fact that their father had been diagnosed with dementia a few months ago. But he had become too much for Barbara and her mother to handle lately, what with Ed providing no help at all. Ed had begged to move back in because (he said) he was unable to pay his rent. Barbara and her mother agreed, as long as Ed helped care for their father. But, despite his promises, Ed did nothing. Instead he spent his evenings trolling gay bars. Barabara had no idea what he did during the day. But, as she found out from her mother, when Barbara went to work, her brother mostly watched cartoons and ate junk food. And lounged about in his jammies.
One day Ed thought Barbara and their parents were going to be gone all day. Barbara let him know that their father needed to see a specialist in Torrance to be evaluated. But the tests took less time than anticipated and everyone arrived back at the family home hours earlier than when Barbara had told Ed to expect them. Obviously Ed and his guest didn't hear the front door open, because, when Barbara entered the bedroom she shared with her brother, she walked in on Ed and his male guest having sex. Ed was on his knees giving oral pleasure to his friend. "That feels fantastic, Mystere" the man moaned.
Barbara was so shocked she let out a scream, then turned and got the hell out of there. "What happened?" her mother asked. "Nothing" Barbara insisted. "I'm just fed up in regards to what's going on with dad" she fibbed. The doctor had informed them that Tsugo was declining mentally a lot faster than anticipated and would likely have to be placed in a facility soon. And they were going to have to sell the family home to pay for it.
It was a few days later when Barbara broke the news to her brother. "Mom is going to move into an apartment with me in Torrance" she explained. "What about me?" a shocked Ed blubbered. "Where am I supposed to live?". "That man I walked in on you with - I didn't realize it at the time, but later it occurred to me that he is the wrestler Rikishi. Couldn't you move in with him?" Barbara asked. She didn't want her brother to be homeless, but she was in a bind. Her finances were stretched thin and she could only afford a small apartment for her and Kazuko.
Ed looked angry. "You're confused" he said sternly. "You think you walked in on me and another man engaged in homosexual activity, but you're mistaken. I'm not gay". Barbara knew what she had seen. "If you suck another man's penis, I think that means you are gay" she reasoned. Ed looked like he was about to explode. His face was red and the veins on his forehead popped. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell mom" Barbara promised. "Screw you Babbles" Ed angrily growled under his breath (so their mom wouldn't hear). Then he stormed out of the room.
Barbara was showing a real estate agent around the property later that week when Ed approached the two (they were in the backyard). Ed pulled into the driveway (he was behind the wheel of his Chevy Vega, a rust bucket that barely ran). Seeing his sister with a woman in a yellow coat, Ed jumped out of the vehicle and ran up to them. "Not for sale!" he shouted at the realtor, spittle spraying from his mouth.
"I am buying this property" Ed informed the woman, poking her in the boob to make his point (so squishy. It was really gross). "My bro Rikishi, a famous and rich WWE wrestler has agreed to loan me the money". The realtor looked confused (and perhaps a bit frightened). "Should I leave?" she asked. "No, no" Barbara assured the woman. "Well, maybe you should. I'll call you later". The lady realtor quickly walked out to the curb where she had parked, got in her car and pulled away.
"So, your boyfriend is going to give you the money?" Barbara asked. She didn't know whether or not to believe her brother. "First, Rikishi is not my boyfriend. He's a married man with two kids. He's my bro, not my boyfriend. My boss Bob Wilson had me interview him for KCBC and we became friends". Ed was referring to the Conservative radio station he supposedly worked for. Although he never went to work (Ed insisted that he worked from home editing audio on his computer when pressed).
"Why would he give you so much money?" Barbara asked. "Because he's rich and we're bros" Ed insisted. "You'll see. Give me a week and I'll get you a cashier's check". Barbara wasn't sure if her brother was telling the truth or not, but she decided to give Ed to the end of the week. "If you can get the money, fine" she said. "Otherwise the house goes on the market at the beginning of next week".
"OK, Babbles" Ed agreed. "I'll have the money by then". Barbara really wished her brother would stop calling her Babbles. He had come up with the nickname after she informed him that she was voting for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 primary. Her brother looked shocked. "Trump is who you should vote for" he insisted. "The prophet Mark Taylor says God has preordained that Donald Trump will be our next president. Not the Hildebeest".
Barbara wasn't a Christian like her brother. Nor was she a Conservative. Which is why she didn't believe that voting for Hillary would imperial her soul or that she'd go to Hell is she didn't vote for Trump. It did worry her, however, that her brother seemed so convinced by this "Mark Taylor" fellow (an individual who Barbara deemed to be either insane or a con man). Could her brother be suffering from early onset dementia? The doctor had informed her that genetic testing indicated insanity ran in her family (on the male side).
"Homosexuality is vile in God's eyes" Ed exclaimed. "So you can cut it out with the gay stuff. I'm a God fearing straight Christian man" Ed proclaimed when his sister said, yet again, that he was a fag. Clearly she was suffering from serious delusions. "OK, you're not gay" Barbara agreed. She was tired of fighting with her brother.
Ed slid a piece of paper across the table. "Here is the money order I promised you", he explained. "480K is my final offer, btw. Given that this is a private sale and you won't have to pay any realtor fees, it should be more than enough". "Let me take this to the bank" Barbara replied. "If it clears I will accept your offer".
Surprisingly, the check did clear. Soon Barbara, Kazuko and Tsugo were gone and Ed had the place to himself. After Rikishi's lawyer met with Barbara (her mother having given her power of attorney over her parent's affairs) and she signed the paperwork.
"You'll be happy to know that I'm divorcing my wife, Talisua", Rikishi told Ed. Although he called Ed by the name he uses online, "Mystere". "I love you, Mystere", Rikishi proclaimed. He grabbed Mystere and gave him a big smooch, slipping him some tongue. "We will be together soon" Rikishi promised after he and Mystere made love (as they lay in bed cuddling). "I just have to fly to Florida and have my divorce finalized".
Mystere and Rikishi were married in a civil ceremony shortly before the election. When Donald Trump won (as predicted by Mark Taylor) Mystere called his sister. "I told you Donald Trump would win" he gloated. "You really should wake up and get behind our president. I'm worried about your soul, Babbles". The line went dead. "The bitch hung up on me!" Mystere complained. It looked like Satan had won her over. Mystere shook his head. Unless she repented, when Babbles took her dirt nap she would go straight to Hell. It made Mystere sad, but there was nothing he could do, apparently.
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ReplyDeleteWho is Mavis? Must be someone you know. I have never met a "Mavis".
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