I, Fartbreath Mystere, am desperate to collude with the Trump administration AG, Bill Barr. This collusion wouldn't be at all like the collusion that our president, Donald Trump and his campaign associates participated in during the runup to the 2016 election. That collusion president Trump was cleared of by that scumbag Democrat Robert Mueller.
Robert Mueller CLAIMS to be a Republican, but then why did he try to oust our duly elected Republican President Donald Trump and replace him with the Hildebeest? Luckily the coup attempt failed. Because Donald Trump is so clean. Also so innocent. No collusion between the Trump campaign and Russian government officials. Only collusion with Russian government-connected individuals. People like Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya and Russian Oligarch Konstantin Kilimnik.
Yes, Don Junior said (in an email) that he would LOVE to collude with Veselnitskaya. And later his dad lied about the meeting Junior took with Veselnitskaya at Trump Tower. But that meeting produced no dirt on Hillary Clinton! Don Junior said so, and he wouldn't lie. And, YES, Paul Manafort handed off Trump campaign polling data to Kilimnik that he passed on to his Russian masters (data that was used by Russian trolls to micro-target their Facebook ads, helping put Trump over the top in several key states).
But SO WHAT? Was there some kind of formal agreement between Russian government employees and members of the Trump campaign? The answer is NO. President Trump was totally cleared, libtards. We won, you lost. Get over it. Although I know you won't, because you are sore losers. Sore losers who got stinkfaced by your beloved Robert Mueller. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Anyway, the real reason for this post is to relate the tale of my own collusion. Although this collusion took place only in a dream I had last night. A fantastic sex dream that caused me to cream my jammies! In this dream my mouth was colluding with Bill Barr's butthole. As I played the rusty trombone, Bill, while reading from his summary of the Mueller report, passed gas multiple times.
OMG, his farts were quite stinky! I was in Heaven! little Mystere was so stiff. When Bill and I kissed he told me how much he loved my fart breath. Then Bill bent me over his desk and took me from behind, thrusting his large member between my quivering buttocks. Finally he shot his load, filling my anal cavity.
After I woke I found that I had soiled my "Powerpuff Girls" panties as well as my "My Little Pony" jammies. Some people call this soiling a "nocturnal emission". I call it whipping up a fresh batch of white gravy.
After the very vivid dream of a sexual encounter with Bill Barr, I was super horny and desperately desired to make love to my husband, Rikishi. Lately he has not been "in the mood" due to an injury he sustained over the Christmas holiday involving a dildo chair. As a result he had to be rushed to the hospital with a shattered tailbone and a punctured rectum.
So I quietly reached into his jammie bottoms and pulled out his sausage, being careful not to wake him. I won't go into too much graphic detail concerning what happened next - suffice to say Rikishi WAS in the mood and very much appreciated me waking him by orally pleasuring his sausage. Sausage with white gravy, btw is one of my favorite tasty treats. Anyway, Rikishi and I proceeded to make love for almost a half hour. Followed by another half hour of cuddling.
For the record I am not gay. Homosexuality is a sin that will get you sent to Hell where you will burn for eternity. That asshole Anthony Sanders often tries to smear me as gay, but he's the fag, not me. I'm a God-fearing Christian who sometimes falls short and sins. But I ask God for forgiveness when I do. Quite unlike Anthony, who is out of the closet and proud. He'll be sorry when he finds himself being corn-holed by Satan's enormous dick. You won't feel any pleasure, ONLY pain. That I can assure you, Anthony!
But back to Bill Barr. I am so happy that our magnificent POTUS found an AG to protect him from the Witch Hunt lead by Mueller and his angry Democrats. Unlike that weasel Jeff Sessions. Hopefully the report (surely filled with lies) will never be released, but burned up as recommended by the hero Devin Nunes. What we need to do now is get to the oranges of the Mueller investigation. Or the beginnings, as our wonderful president says.
Investigate the oranges, then put the traitors on trial. Because it's about time the Hildebeest was arrested and imprisoned already. As well as the Kenyan born Obama, his husband Michael, and the Democrats James Comey, Andy McCabe and Peter Strzok. They all need to be sent to Gitmo ASAP.