That Night My Mouth Colluded With Bill Barr's Butthole

I, Fartbreath Mystere, am desperate to collude with the Trump administration AG, Bill Barr. This collusion wouldn't be at all like the collusion that our president, Donald Trump and his campaign associates participated in during the runup to the 2016 election. That collusion president Trump was cleared of by that scumbag Democrat Robert Mueller.

Robert Mueller CLAIMS to be a Republican, but then why did he try to oust our duly elected Republican President Donald Trump and replace him with the Hildebeest? Luckily the coup attempt failed. Because Donald Trump is so clean. Also so innocent. No collusion between the Trump campaign and Russian government officials. Only collusion with Russian government-connected individuals. People like Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya and Russian Oligarch Konstantin Kilimnik.

Yes, Don Junior said (in an email) that he would LOVE to collude with Veselnitskaya. And later his dad lied about the meeting Junior took with Veselnitskaya at Trump Tower. But that meeting produced no dirt on Hillary Clinton! Don Junior said so, and he wouldn't lie. And, YES, Paul Manafort handed off Trump campaign polling data to Kilimnik that he passed on to his Russian masters (data that was used by Russian trolls to micro-target their Facebook ads, helping put Trump over the top in several key states).

But SO WHAT? Was there some kind of formal agreement between Russian government employees and members of the Trump campaign? The answer is NO. President Trump was totally cleared, libtards. We won, you lost. Get over it. Although I know you won't, because you are sore losers. Sore losers who got stinkfaced by your beloved Robert Mueller. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Anyway, the real reason for this post is to relate the tale of my own collusion. Although this collusion took place only in a dream I had last night. A fantastic sex dream that caused me to cream my jammies! In this dream my mouth was colluding with Bill Barr's butthole. As I played the rusty trombone, Bill, while reading from his summary of the Mueller report, passed gas multiple times.

OMG, his farts were quite stinky! I was in Heaven! little Mystere was so stiff. When Bill and I kissed he told me how much he loved my fart breath. Then Bill bent me over his desk and took me from behind, thrusting his large member between my quivering buttocks. Finally he shot his load, filling my anal cavity.

After I woke I found that I had soiled my "Powerpuff Girls" panties as well as my "My Little Pony" jammies. Some people call this soiling a "nocturnal emission". I call it whipping up a fresh batch of white gravy.

After the very vivid dream of a sexual encounter with Bill Barr, I was super horny and desperately desired to make love to my husband, Rikishi. Lately he has not been "in the mood" due to an injury he sustained over the Christmas holiday involving a dildo chair. As a result he had to be rushed to the hospital with a shattered tailbone and a punctured rectum.

So I quietly reached into his jammie bottoms and pulled out his sausage, being careful not to wake him. I won't go into too much graphic detail concerning what happened next - suffice to say Rikishi WAS in the mood and very much appreciated me waking him by orally pleasuring his sausage. Sausage with white gravy, btw is one of my favorite tasty treats. Anyway, Rikishi and I proceeded to make love for almost a half hour. Followed by another half hour of cuddling.

For the record I am not gay. Homosexuality is a sin that will get you sent to Hell where you will burn for eternity. That asshole Anthony Sanders often tries to smear me as gay, but he's the fag, not me. I'm a God-fearing Christian who sometimes falls short and sins. But I ask God for forgiveness when I do. Quite unlike Anthony, who is out of the closet and proud. He'll be sorry when he finds himself being corn-holed by Satan's enormous dick. You won't feel any pleasure, ONLY pain. That I can assure you, Anthony!

But back to Bill Barr. I am so happy that our magnificent POTUS found an AG to protect him from the Witch Hunt lead by Mueller and his angry Democrats. Unlike that weasel Jeff Sessions. Hopefully the report (surely filled with lies) will never be released, but burned up as recommended by the hero Devin Nunes. What we need to do now is get to the oranges of the Mueller investigation. Or the beginnings, as our wonderful president says.

Investigate the oranges, then put the traitors on trial. Because it's about time the Hildebeest was arrested and imprisoned already. As well as the Kenyan born Obama, his husband Michael, and the Democrats James Comey, Andy McCabe and Peter Strzok. They all need to be sent to Gitmo ASAP.

Post authored by the low life identity thief Fartbreath Mystere's Eproctophilia Club, a White Nationalist/Wingnut/Trump-supporting KKK wannabe blogger. WYM-104.

Uranus Is My Home Planet

Greetings. Time for yet another post by me, Fartbreath Mystere (making it TWO in a row!). Today I shall revel a true fact about myself that very few people are aware of. That fact is that I originally hail from Uranus. I refer to the planet that smells like farts.

Now, you may believe that Uranus, being located so far away from the sun, is uninhabitable. Earth "scientists" say that Uranus is an ice giant and that it's atmosphere is composed primarily of hydrogen and helium. Having spent my formative years growing up on Uranus, I can reveal to you that this is fake news.

Uranus is actually very much like earth with a few exceptions. The primary exception being that the atmosphere is comprised primarily of methane. A good thing for us Urani, as all the methane caused a runaway greenhouse effect that warmed the planet. As for the source of this methane? You may think I joke, but the answer is farts. Not farts produced by the Urani people, but by an animal very much like your Earth cow.

My people, the "Urani", have learned to live by breathing cow farts. Instead of oxygen, Uranis such as myself breathe in methane and exhale some other gas. I am not a scientist, so don't ask me for any further details. Fresh, clean oxygen, such as you have here on earth, is offensive to the Urani nose. Which is why very few Urani (such as myself) can be found here, on Earth.

Now you may be wondering how someone born on Uranus could have possibly travelled to Earth. A journey that would take many years via traditional space travel. But I did not travel from Uranus to Earth via spaceship. It so happens that I was transported from Uranus (my home planet) to Earth in the blink of an eye via teleportation technology.

Not of my own free will, mind you, but because I was exiled. For being such an asshole. Among other reasons. Uranus is ruled by a one world Socialist government. It is an actual utopia. Free health care, free schooling through college and jobs (and income) for everyone. Yuck.

Here is some more news that you may find shocking, but a few decades ago (Earth years) a great man with orange skin attempted a coup. His name was Frederick Trump. Frederick Trump, because he tried to overthrow the Democratic Socialist ruling order, was the first Urani exiled to earth. That Urani man married an earth woman and that woman gave birth to our current President, Donald J. Trump.

So, my parents got swept up in a second revolution. A group of Urani who, inspired by the writings of Frederick Trump, decided the time was right to attempt a second coup. A coup that failed. My parents and their compatriots were put on trial. The verdict? Exil to Earth. For me as well, even though I was but a child. Not because I took place in the coup, but (like I said) just for being an asshole.

Now, I am but a simple moron, so I really have no idea how teleportation technology works. According to what I've heard, the technology somehow harnesses the power of the Van Halen Belt. The Van Halen Belt is similar to the Van Allen Belt, but different. In any case, this belt is the key that makes teleportation possible.

After my parents were found guilty, they (and I) were teleported to Earth (a one way trip). My parents and I then disguised ourselves as an Asian-American family. Something that was easy to do because Uranis are transmorphs. My parents decided that their last name would be "End0". And they also decided to call me "Edw@rd". "Fine by me" I said. Mystere is my Urani name, but would obviously be unusual for an Earth person.

In our true form Urani look very much like earthlings, but our skin is much oranger. Plus we have two buttholes. Also, like I said, we breath methane. Although farts will do the trick. The fact is that, without farts to imbibe, I would die. Humans need oxygen to live and the same is true of Urani and methane. Although Urani are able to "hold our breath" for hours at a time. I do like to carry with me a few farts (purchased on the black market), just in case.

Wikipedia/Flatulence: A flexible tube, inserted into the rectum, can be used to collect intestinal gas in a flatus bag. This method is occasionally needed in a hospital setting, when the patient is unable to pass gas normally.

My black market fart dealer does not ask why I'm buying farts (or what I'm using them for). I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm using them for sexual gratification. Instead of to live. Although the really smelly ones do tend to give me boners.

For the record, Donald Trump is only half-Urani. Explaining why his skin is so orange. With limited transmorph powers, he got as close to human-looking as he could. Although the doctors were quite shocked when he was born. They thought they were dealing with a seriously deformed baby.

Donald Trump knows socialism is evil. Why he decided to go down the same road as his father did on Uranus. Which would be to stop socialism by running for United States president. Luckily, with the help of Vladimir Putin, he was able to achieve his goal.

Post authored by Fartbreath Mystere's Eproctophilia Club, a White Nationalist/Trump-supporting phart sniffer. WYM-100.

I Love Farts! (A Fartbreath Mystere Commentary)

Howdy. Time for another rare post by me, Eddie Mystere, AKA Fartbreath Mystere. As you likely know, I am known as "Fartbreath" because I really enjoy eating farts. Also huffing them. Seriously, I love farts; both the smell and the taste.

Anyway, the reason for this post today is to address the ongoing feud between myself and the primary author of this blog, Anthony Sanders. Although he goes by "Dervish" for some reason. As opposed to using the name he was given at birth, which is "Anthony".

It seems that Anthony (aka "Dervish") is quite upset with me for revealing his true identity and address. Also calling him by MY nickname, "Fartbreath". For the record, I am known by "Fartbreath" because of my love of farts. Mr. Sanders, as far as I know, is not a fellow eproctophile. I did ask him if he wanted to join my phart sniffing club, but he told me "no way". He told me he thinks farts are disgusting and not an odor to be enjoyed. As I enjoy the odor.

Personally I do not understand why more people don't love farts as much as I do. Gas expelled from the ass smells fantastic as far as I am concerned. My sense of smell must be superior to that of the ordinary human. But I accept that most people (oddly) do not love farts as much as I do.

Anyway, back to the feud between Dervish and myself... he says I am going to regret messing with him, but the truth is he is going to regret messing with ME. I WILL make him pay. By writing posts on my blog about him farting. Also, how much I would like to smell those farts. That will show him.

And I will continue exposing him. Soon I will be reopening my blogs and posting additional secrets that Anthony would rather people not know. Secrets that will embarrass Anthony so much that he will almost certainly threaten to sue in order to get me to stop. But I laugh at these threats of lawsuits! Try it Anthony, and you'll end up disbarred for sure. Because I will file a countersuit.

You can't get away with trying to stifle my First Amendment rights, Anthony! The world has the right to know about your sexual perversions, Anthony! Much as you surely want to keep them hidden. Because Anthony's secrets being revealed will most assuredly get him disbarred and result in him losing his job as a Judge.

btw, you may be asking yourself WHY THE HELL would Anthony allow me to post my "lies" on his blog? The answer is that (as Anthony told me) he's allowing me to "expose myself as an idiot". Sure, Anthony. Keep believing that. As long as you keep allowing me to post on your blog, I don't care what you think.

Also, you're wrong. The truth is that I have exposed myself as being incredibly smart. A "stable genius" like our magnificent president. Evidence of my smartness? I followed the digital breadcrumbs and discovered your true identity, Anthony Sanders. Something that got YOU spooked, Anthony!

Image: Anthony Sanders and his peepaw Ralph Sanders.

Post authored by Fartbreath Mystere's Eproctophilia Club, a White Nationalist/Trump-supporting phart sniffer. WYM-99.

Meet WYM Co-Author, Fartbreath Mystere

Greetings, enemies. My name is Eddie Mystere, although you can call me Fartbreath Mystere. I am known as "Fartbreath" because I really enjoy eating farts. Especially those of my husband, a very famous WWE wrestler that goes by the ring name "Rikishi". Impressed? You should be.

I have been a contributor to this blog since the beginning. Although I have authored very few commentaries. Lately I have been very busy writing commentaries for my numerous blogs on the topic of moonbat men who have sex with dogs. This is a subject that I am extremely interested in. As you may or may not know, when a man has sex with a dog it is the pleasure of a lifetime. For the dog. For the man it feels pretty good too. I assume.

I say "I assume" because sex with a dog is illegal. I am therefore denying that I have ever boinked a canine. But if I were to insert "little Mystere" into a male dog's anus it would feel GREAT. You could ask my dog, Buttstink Too. If he could talk. Which he can't and therefore can not rat me out. Although I don't know why he would, since I am giving him the pleasure of a lifetime by having buttsex with him. Or I would be, if I were to do that. Which I absolutely never will (admit to doing).

BTW, I changed my Blogger display name awhile ago. Previously I went by the name "Klansman Mystere" and claimed I was a member of the Klan. Honestly I did intend to join that very fine organization. Turns out they didn't want a "chink" as a member and I was told to "f*ck off". "Chink" is a ethnic slur usually referring to a person of Chinese ethnicity. The word is also sometimes indiscriminately used against people of East Asian appearance (Wikipedia excerpt)

Please note that the primary author of this blog does NOT approve of the use of the slur "chink". I mention this because Dervish Sanders, after looking over my commentary, insisted that I make it clear that he disapproves of the use of ethnic slurs. Me, I don't have a problem with them. I use them myself. In regards to myself.

By which I mean that I've used ethnic slurs to describe myself in faked comments on my (suspended) WordPress blogs. I'm talking about comments I faked to make it look like the Blogger This One used a racial slur to disparage me. I doubt this upstanding and very smart blogger (who I hate) ever visited any of my WordPress blogs, though.

Unfortunately Dervish Sanders did look at my WordPress blogs, notice I was faking comments by him, reported me to WordPress, and got my WordPress blogs suspended.

Dervish Sanders should be very worried because I am plotting revenge. He will be sorry that he ever messed with me. I told him this, so I don't know why he continues to allow me to contribute to this blog. It might be because "Fartbreath Mystere" is a spoof ID. Although I stridently deny this scurrilous accusation. "Fartbreath Mystere" is just another of my many IDs. Some which I acknowledge are mine, others which I claim are my "team members" (but are really just sockpuppets).

Anyway, back to farts. I love to eat them (as I previously mentioned). I also love sniffing them. The sulfurous aroma sexually excites me. I like to crouch behind my husband and yank out some white gravy while he toots in my face. It gets me high when I deeply inhale my husband Rikishi's fragrant farts. BTW, I know you are judging me! But don't knock it until you try it. The white gravy belongs to Rikishi, and (for the record), I was referring to a reach-around.

Now, given that I am a man who is married to (and has sex) with a man, you may assume I am a homo. Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. I am a straight Christian dude who acknowledges the fact that homosexuality is vile in God's eyes. This is why I identify as straight. Yes, I am a sinner (as we all are) but being a sinner does not make me gay, Libturds!

Note that this introductory posting replaces my previous introductory commentary "Meet WYM Co-Author, Klansman Mystere". I am not, nor have I ever been a member of the Klan. I lied. Just because lying is fun. Like I said, I did try to join but was told to beat it. Their loss.

Post authored by the low life identity thief Fartbreath Mystere's Eproctophilia Club, a White Nationalist/Wingnut/Trump-supporting KKK wannabe blogger. Note that this post could be satirical in nature. It depends on whether or not "Fartbreath Mystere" is a parody ID. wym54.

Introducing The Libturd Dervish Sanders (A Fartbreath Mystere Commentary)

Hello, Klansman Mystere here. OK, so it is true that the primary author of this blog is not me. But I don't have a lot of time to compose posts for this blog, having a lot of other blogs on which I write about how much I hate Libturds. So, when I got an invite to join this blog, I said no way. Then I reconsidered. "Why not"? I concluded. So long I can write whatever lying bullshit I want. An arrangement the blog host agreed to for some strange reason.

With that in mind, let me introduce to you to my co-author here, Dervish Sanders. Sanders, a liberal blog enemy, is another garden variety mean spirited stinky as a skunk Libturd. He is a racist cross-dressing member of one of the gay chapters of the Ku Klux Klan*. Dervish dresses up in typical Klan burqas, hijabs, kimonos and Kippah hats. He has been known to upset the Klan Grand Drag Queen by running up the burqa and hijab laundry bills.

Dervish likes to sniff my boyfriend Rikishi's behind, sticking his nose deep into his crack. Sanders is also fixated on Donald Trump's genitalia, and says he'd like to see the statue remain standing in the public. The photos below are examples of the kind of pics Dervish attaches to his blog posts.

Dervish submitted a photo of a naked Trump statue to my blogsite Mystere's Moonbat Slayer Club in one of his retorts to a post. Dervish has expressed interest in keeping the statue of Donald Trump publicly exposed in his ghetto. Dervish likes to get down on his knees in front of it, pretending to engage in oral copulation with the statue.

Dervish's buttbois can be seen in these photos.

*Note: I belong to a non-gay chapter of the KKK. And, for the record, the chapter of the KKK I belong to does not consider these gay chapters legitimate. Because we hate fags. Also because they don't exist (gay KKK chapters, that is). Much like Klan burqas and hijabs don't exist. Because burqas and hijabs are worn by Muslim women, not members of the KKK. KKK members such as myself wear manly robes with manly hoods. And we definitely don't f*ck each other in the butt. Very often. That is only done during certain ceremonies.

Update 9/7/2018: [update authored by Dervish Sanders] Mystere deleted his commentary on Liberal Troll watch. When, I do not know. I checked today to refresh my memory in regards to a quote from him about "oral copulation", and, while Google returned a result that met the search criteria I entered, when I clicked the page Blogger said the page I was looking for did not exist on said blog. So, given that that Google cached will eventually disappear, I have copied and pasted the blog post below.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017.
Post title: Dervish Sanders.

Let me introduce to you another liberal blog enemy: Dervish Sanders. Sanders is another garden variety mean spirited stinky as a skunk libturd. He is a racist cross dressing member of the Ku Klux Klan, dressing up in typical Klan burqas and hijabs. Dervish has been known to upset the Klan Grand Drag Queen by running up the burqa and hijab laundry bills. Dervish likes to sniff Blog Rikishi's behind, sticking his nose deep into Rikishi's crack. Sanders is also fixated on Donald Trump's genitalia, and says he'd like to see the statue remain standing in the public. These are some of the photos Dervish uses on his blog posts.

Dervish sent the above photo of the naked Trump statue to my blogsite Mystere's Moonbat Slayer Club in one of his retorts to a post. Dervish has expressed interest in keeping the statue of Donald Trump publicly exposed in his ghetto. Dervish likes to get down on his knees in front of it, pretending to engage in oral copulation with the statue.

Dervish's buttbois can be seen in these photos, taking photos of the statues.

Posted by mystere's moonbat slayer club at 8:07 AM.

This commentary, a version of which was cross-posted to Liberal Troll Watch, was authored by Mystere's Wingnut Spanking Club. A Republican/Wingnut/White Nationalist/Pro-Trump Blogger. WYM-14.

An Ode To Tenderloinz By Fartbreath Mystere

President Trump loves the Alt-Right including KKKers like me.

Richard Spencer, my main man, recently agreed.

"He's with us" said the Nazi saluter.

This was following Trump letting loose a delicious fart from his tooter.

"Sad to see the history and culture of our great country being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues and monuments" our strong leader tweeted.

Such a powerful affirmation of what me, as a White Nationalist believes, I felt the need to be seated.

Though before taking a chair I pulled down my pants.

What happened next was that I grabbed hold of my lance.

Trump's flatulence is so sweet.

I had to take the opportunity to beat my meat.

Opening my nostrils and mouth wide.

I huffed in the gas that escaped from DJT's backside.

Feeling giddy I quickened my pace.

As my member stood at full attention to honor the master race.

Ouch! It hurts to go for hours.

Yet there is still nothing better, except perhaps golden showers.

Spank, spank, spank...

I yank on my crank.

Finally, my tenderloinz aching, I finish my task.

Releasing enough "white gravy" to fill up a 2 millilitre flask.

A poem authored by Fartbreath Mystere's Eproctophilia Club. A Republican/Wingnut/White Nationalist/Pro-Fart Blogger. WYM-4.

Meet WYM Co-Author, Klansman Mystere

Howdy, my name is Eddie Mystere, although whilst hanging out with my White Nationalist buddies, I'm known as "Klansman Mystere". I chose my Blogger ID (Mystere's Wingnut Spanker Club) because I am a seriously deluded and deplorable wingnut trumpanzee.

I also like to spank it. So much so that I formed a club. BTW, some people (upon reading my posts here) might get the impression that "Mystere's Wingnut Spanker Club" is a spoof ID. Be aware that I stridently deny this scurrilous accusation. Also, anyone who lobs this rancid insult my way will win my undying enmity! Consider yourself warned.

For the record (and at the request of the primary author of this blog), I must mention that Dervish Sanders is neither one of my White Nationalist buddies, nor a member of my spanking club. He also (incorrectly) believes I am a "spoof". And yes, I do hate his guts. Fact is, I attempted to give him a deserved beatdown, but he kicked my ass.

Post authored by the low life identity thief Mystere's Wingnut Spanker Club, a White Nationalist/Wingnut/Trump-supporting blogger. Note that this post could be satirical in nature. It depends on whether or not "Klansman Mystere" AKA "Fartbreath Mystere" is a parody ID. wym002.