The Confrontation

"I'm going to kick your ass!" Rikishi shouted as he pursued his quarry. Rational Nation (RN) ran down an alleyway behind the Liberty Mutual building. Suddenly he encountered a dead end. Turning, he faced the hulking wrestler. Rikishi huffed and puffed as he drew closer. "I've got you now, you bastard" Rikishi puffed. Sweat was pouring from his brow. "How dare you force me to chase you. Now you will face Rikishi like a man".

"I'm not afraid of you" RN exclaimed. But in reality he was very afraid. That the 400lb wrestler would sit on him, crushing the life out of him. "You're one of the assholes who have been tormenting my bro Mystere online for years" Rikishi angrily grunted. "Now you will get what's coming to you". Doug (of LiMu the emu and Doug fame) emerged from the rear entrance of the Liberty Mutual building. "Is there a problem, gentlemen?" Doug inquired.

"Wow, it's the actual Doug from the LiMu the Emu and Doug commercials" Rikishi said, surprised. "My bro Mystere is a huge fan. Is it possible I could get an autographed pic?". "No, sorry, I don't give autographs" Doug replied. "Why you..." Rikishi sputtered. "I'm a famous wrestler. You should be asking for my autograph". Doug looked incredulous. "You look like a fat turd to me, not a professional athlete. Now you two need to clear out of here before I call security".

"Call security on the great Rikishi! I'll have to kick your ass. Just as soon as I finish kicking the registered nurse's ass" Rikishi roared. Then he noticed that RN was trying to slip away unnoticed. "Oh no, you don't" Rikishi said, pounding his fist into his open palm. "You haven't received your beat down yet, registered nurse"! Suddenly Rikishi lunged, punching the air. But RN was too fast for him and dodged the blow (why the wrestler punched the air and not RN).

RN was about to get away when Rikishi grabbed hold of RN's clothing. "I've got you by your yellow shirt, you piece of crap" Rikishi yelled, spittle flying from his lips. RN's shirt tore off, revealing a muscled and ripped physique. Rikishi flung RN against a wall as the shirt ripped. "Someone works out" Rikishi noted, suddenly just a little worried. "No matter, nobody is a match for the great Rikishi, regardless of how shredded they may be".

Doug, intrigued by what was transpiring, decided to watch what happened instead of calling security. RN was shaken, but recovered before Rikishi could get the upper hand. The wrestler swung and missed again. RN took the opportunity to launch his counter-attack. RN flexed his bulging biceps, then swung, landing a powerful punch right to the hulking wrestler's midsection. "Ooof" the wrestler exclaimed. A fetid breath escaping his lips. But RN's fist sunk deep into the wrestler's blubber and didn't seem to do much damage.

"Ha ha ha" Rikishi grunted. "That didn't hurt much. Now I'm going to break your arm in half" the wrestler shouted, grabbing RN by the wrist. It felt like Rikishi was going to tear his arm off. RN screamed in agony as he attempted to free himself from the wrestler's grip. Fortunately for him he was able to pull free from Rikishi's sweaty hands. RN stumbled backward. "Now I'm going to sit on you" Rikishi threatened. Rikishi was known for his signature move, the stinkface. RN knew this, having been threatened with one by Rikishi's bro, Mystere, in multiple online interactions.

RN was truly worried, knowing he absolutely did not want to fall victim to the stinkface. He wrist hurt like hell, so he wasn't sure how he could continue defending himself. Rikishi laughed again. "Soon you will taste my farts" the wrestler warned, advancing. Just then Mystere appeared. His face was beet red and he was breathing heavily. "That's him, just like I said" Mystere wheezed. "Get him!".

"I'm going to kick your tubby husband's ass, then I'm going to kick your ass" RN asserted. Even though he was thinking he would be fortunate to escape without receiving a deadly stinkface. "Stinkface, stinkface, stinkface" Mystere chanted, a wide smile spreading across his face. Then he noticed an enormous, dripping brown wet spot on the rear of Rikishi's trousers. Seeing Mystere looking at his ample behind, Rikishi explained, "I lost control of my bowels and shat myself when this freak sucker-punched me".

This revelation elicited an uproarious laugh. "Who dares laugh at my bro" Mystere demanded. When he saw it was Doug (of LiMu the emu and Doug fame), he was flabbergasted. "Doug, I'm your biggliest fan" Mystere gushed. "Is LiMu around" he asked. "No, stupid" Doug replied. "LiMu is mostly CGI". "How rude" Mystere thought. He never imagined that if he encountered one of his heroes the guy would be a total jackass.

"You kick RN's ass and I'll kick Doug's ass" Mystere announced. "Just try it punk" Doug countered. Mystere sprung into action, punching the air wildly. Quickly he lost his balance and fell on his posterier. "Ow, my tailbone" Mystere shrieked. Doug, who had been ready to pound Mystere, laughed instead. Tears streamed down Mystere's face, causing his mascara to run.

"He's trying to get away" Mystere blubbered, pointing down the alley to where RN was in the process of climbing the chain-link fence blocking the other end of the alley. "Oh no, you don't" Rikishi roared. The wrestler walked to the fence and grabbed at RN's legs. However, instead of pulling him off the fence, Rikishi received a powerful kick to the face. "Eat steel-toed boot, shithead" RN yelled.

Blood spurted from Rikishi's nose. "Ahhh!" he screamed. "I'm going to kill you now". But RN was over the fence already. Landing on the other side he turned and gave Rikishi the finger. Then he sprinted away. Blood continued to gush from the wrestler's smashed snout. "That's a hate crime" Mystere shouted, clenching his fist and shaking it at the fleeing RN (who disappeared around a corner).

"I'm calling the cops" Mystere said, taking out his cell phone. "No" Rikishi commanded. "I'm going to murder that asshole". He whispered so Doug wouldn't hear. "Hey, you can get the f*ck out of here now" Doug remarked. Rikishi rose from his knees. "You stink" Doug noted as an odor of feces hit his nostrils. He retreated back into the Liberty Mutual building, closing the door behind him. "I'm calling security now" Doug said from behind the door.

This hilarious story was authored by the pro-Biden Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-250. TF-16.

Bertha Butt Babbles Endo & Her Younger Brother Edwina Mystere Endo

Barbara Endo confronted her younger brother, Edward. "Look, Ed, I know you're gay. Mom doesn't know and it would kill her if she found out. I also know that you and your boyfriend plan on cohabiting here - as soon as we move out". Barbara was referring to the fact that she and her mother were moving to Torrance. Because their mother Kazuko had decided to sell the family home at 5301 Delong street in Cypress and place their father Tsugo in an assisted living facility (also in Torrance).

Ed looked at his sister angrily. "Bertha Butt, I'm not a homosexual and you know it" Ed sputtered. He almost jumped up from his chair in the kitchen and slapped Babbles across the face, he was so insulted. He stopped, however, afraid his sister would beat him up. "Babbles, being a libtard, you just think it would be cool to have a gay brother. But I'm totally straight. Fact is, I can barely keep the chicks off me. Every night a hotter chick wants to bang. And we have to go to her place for sex because I selflessly volunteered to move back in to help take care of dad".

Ed was referring to the fact that their father had been diagnosed with dementia a few months ago. But he had become too much for Barbara and her mother to handle lately, what with Ed providing no help at all. Ed had begged to move back in because (he said) he was unable to pay his rent. Barbara and her mother agreed, as long as Ed helped care for their father. But, despite his promises, Ed did nothing. Instead he spent his evenings trolling gay bars. Barabara had no idea what he did during the day. But, as she found out from her mother, when Barbara went to work, her brother mostly watched cartoons and ate junk food. And lounged about in his jammies.

One day Ed thought Barbara and their parents were going to be gone all day. Barbara let him know that their father needed to see a specialist in Torrance to be evaluated. But the tests took less time than anticipated and everyone arrived back at the family home hours earlier than when Barbara had told Ed to expect them. Obviously Ed and his guest didn't hear the front door open, because, when Barbara entered the bedroom she shared with her brother, she walked in on Ed and his male guest having sex. Ed was on his knees giving oral pleasure to his friend. "That feels fantastic, Mystere" the man moaned.

Barbara was so shocked she let out a scream, then turned and got the hell out of there. "What happened?" her mother asked. "Nothing" Barbara insisted. "I'm just fed up in regards to what's going on with dad" she fibbed. The doctor had informed them that Tsugo was declining mentally a lot faster than anticipated and would likely have to be placed in a facility soon. And they were going to have to sell the family home to pay for it.

It was a few days later when Barbara broke the news to her brother. "Mom is going to move into an apartment with me in Torrance" she explained. "What about me?" a shocked Ed blubbered. "Where am I supposed to live?". "That man I walked in on you with - I didn't realize it at the time, but later it occurred to me that he is the wrestler Rikishi. Couldn't you move in with him?" Barbara asked. She didn't want her brother to be homeless, but she was in a bind. Her finances were stretched thin and she could only afford a small apartment for her and Kazuko.

Ed looked angry. "You're confused" he said sternly. "You think you walked in on me and another man engaged in homosexual activity, but you're mistaken. I'm not gay". Barbara knew what she had seen. "If you suck another man's penis, I think that means you are gay" she reasoned. Ed looked like he was about to explode. His face was red and the veins on his forehead popped. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell mom" Barbara promised. "Screw you Babbles" Ed angrily growled under his breath (so their mom wouldn't hear). Then he stormed out of the room.

Barbara was showing a real estate agent around the property later that week when Ed approached the two (they were in the backyard). Ed pulled into the driveway (he was behind the wheel of his Chevy Vega, a rust bucket that barely ran). Seeing his sister with a woman in a yellow coat, Ed jumped out of the vehicle and ran up to them. "Not for sale!" he shouted at the realtor, spittle spraying from his mouth.

"I am buying this property" Ed informed the woman, poking her in the boob to make his point (so squishy. It was really gross). "My bro Rikishi, a famous and rich WWE wrestler has agreed to loan me the money". The realtor looked confused (and perhaps a bit frightened). "Should I leave?" she asked. "No, no" Barbara assured the woman. "Well, maybe you should. I'll call you later". The lady realtor quickly walked out to the curb where she had parked, got in her car and pulled away.

"So, your boyfriend is going to give you the money?" Barbara asked. She didn't know whether or not to believe her brother. "First, Rikishi is not my boyfriend. He's a married man with two kids. He's my bro, not my boyfriend. My boss Bob Wilson had me interview him for KCBC and we became friends". Ed was referring to the Conservative radio station he supposedly worked for. Although he never went to work (Ed insisted that he worked from home editing audio on his computer when pressed).

"Why would he give you so much money?" Barbara asked. "Because he's rich and we're bros" Ed insisted. "You'll see. Give me a week and I'll get you a cashier's check". Barbara wasn't sure if her brother was telling the truth or not, but she decided to give Ed to the end of the week. "If you can get the money, fine" she said. "Otherwise the house goes on the market at the beginning of next week".

"OK, Babbles" Ed agreed. "I'll have the money by then". Barbara really wished her brother would stop calling her Babbles. He had come up with the nickname after she informed him that she was voting for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 primary. Her brother looked shocked. "Trump is who you should vote for" he insisted. "The prophet Mark Taylor says God has preordained that Donald Trump will be our next president. Not the Hildebeest".

Barbara wasn't a Christian like her brother. Nor was she a Conservative. Which is why she didn't believe that voting for Hillary would imperial her soul or that she'd go to Hell is she didn't vote for Trump. It did worry her, however, that her brother seemed so convinced by this "Mark Taylor" fellow (an individual who Barbara deemed to be either insane or a con man). Could her brother be suffering from early onset dementia? The doctor had informed her that genetic testing indicated insanity ran in her family (on the male side).

"Homosexuality is vile in God's eyes" Ed exclaimed. "So you can cut it out with the gay stuff. I'm a God fearing straight Christian man" Ed proclaimed when his sister said, yet again, that he was a fag. Clearly she was suffering from serious delusions. "OK, you're not gay" Barbara agreed. She was tired of fighting with her brother.

Ed slid a piece of paper across the table. "Here is the money order I promised you", he explained. "480K is my final offer, btw. Given that this is a private sale and you won't have to pay any realtor fees, it should be more than enough". "Let me take this to the bank" Barbara replied. "If it clears I will accept your offer".

Surprisingly, the check did clear. Soon Barbara, Kazuko and Tsugo were gone and Ed had the place to himself. After Rikishi's lawyer met with Barbara (her mother having given her power of attorney over her parent's affairs) and she signed the paperwork.

"You'll be happy to know that I'm divorcing my wife, Talisua", Rikishi told Ed. Although he called Ed by the name he uses online, "Mystere". "I love you, Mystere", Rikishi proclaimed. He grabbed Mystere and gave him a big smooch, slipping him some tongue. "We will be together soon" Rikishi promised after he and Mystere made love (as they lay in bed cuddling). "I just have to fly to Florida and have my divorce finalized".

Mystere and Rikishi were married in a civil ceremony shortly before the election. When Donald Trump won (as predicted by Mark Taylor) Mystere called his sister. "I told you Donald Trump would win" he gloated. "You really should wake up and get behind our president. I'm worried about your soul, Babbles". The line went dead. "The bitch hung up on me!" Mystere complained. It looked like Satan had won her over. Mystere shook his head. Unless she repented, when Babbles took her dirt nap she would go straight to Hell. It made Mystere sad, but there was nothing he could do, apparently.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-125. TF-15.

Mystere Whistles For Minus Man Meat

Minus walked into the bar, thirsty for a cold one after a long flight. To his surprise he saw, sitting there, someone he knew. "Hello, Mystere", Minus said. Shocked to hear the name he used on the internet, Mystere turned. "Who the hell are you?" Mystere demanded. "They call me Minus, but my real fake name is Dash Farmer John", Minus replied. "I know someone who goes by that name, but I have no idea what he looks like" a confused Mystere retorted.

"How is it that you recognize me?" Mystere inquired. "From your picture on the blog of Dervish Sanders" Minus explained. "Oh, right. That asshole" Mystere disgustedly responded. "Nice to meet you, Dash" Mystere said, extending his hand. The two men shook hands. "You want to buy me a beer?". "OK" Minus agreed. "Two beers" Minus barked at the bartender.

Minus sat down on a stool and, after the barkeep placed it in front of him, chugged his beer. "Another" Minus demanded before the bartender could leave. "Coming right up" the bartender replied, drawing another frosty draft from the spigot. "So, you come here often?" Minus inquired. "Only when I want to pick up chicks. So... every day" Mystere said.

Minus looked around. To his consternation he saw no women. "Where the women at?" Minus wondered. "This is a gay bar" the barkeep informed the two. A shocked look appeared on Mystere's face. "I had no idea!" he lied. Scanning the room, Minus noticed several men close dancing. "Ugh" Minus grunted. "Homos. How disgusting".

"Perhaps we should get out of here", Mystere suggested. "You and I, together?" Minus asked. "Sure, why not? I have some imported golden ales back at my place" Mystere answered, hoping the lure of some expensive beers would seal the deal. Was he about to get lucky? "I guess so" Minus agreed. "You have a car? I got here in a taxi".

Soon the two studs were on the highway, zipping along at a high rate of speed, drunk driving in Mystere's vehicle, a pink Chevy he called the Pinkie Toot Toot. "5301 Delong Street in Cypress isn't far from here" Mystere said, referring to his home address. "We should be at my place in no time".

Pulling off the highway, tires squealing, Mystere took several turns, eventually pulling into a driveway. "Well, here we are" Mystere announced. Getting no reply, Mystere turned and noticed that his passenger was fast asleep. Smiling, Mystere grabbed for his passenger's crotch and began rubbing. Minus, still fast asleep, started moaning.

"What the f*ck are you doing!" Minus exclaimed, waking suddenly. "Hey, it's just a joke" an embarrassed Mystere explained. "You're not a homo, are you?" Minus mumbled. "I'm so tired. I think I've got jet lag". "I'm not gay" Mystere protested. "Homosexuality is vile in God's eyes". "One man doing another man up the dumper is vile, I'll agree with you on that" Minus concurred. "I've heard rumors on the internet about you. It is good to confirm that they aren't true".

Still, Minus looked unconvinced. So Mystere decided to tell a lie he'd concocted ahead of time. "My girlfriend, a Hooters waitress, is really into 3-ways. Mostly the 2 girls and one guy variety. But she's been begging me for awhile to participate in a 3-way with another guy. I have to admit that I, when I encountered you in the bar, decided to bring you home as a surprise".

"A Hooters waitress, you say" Minus said, looking intrigued. "I think I may be into that. So long as it's me and her and you only watch". Mystere shook his head yes. "Sure. I like to watch" Mystere quickly agreed. Minus stumbled inside, collapsing into an armchair. "Here is one of the golden ales I promised" Mystere said, removing a brown bottle from a mini-fridge next to the living room couch. "Thanks" Minus said, popping the cap and downing it in one swig. "Delicious. Now, where is that girlfriend? She's got big jugs, yes?".

"The biggest" Mystere assured the highly intoxicated Minus. "Just let me send her a text and she should be right over" Mystere fibbed, pretending to send a text on his phone. "Cool" Minus replied. Then he dozed off. Mystere, grinning broadly, went to his knees and crept up between the unconscious man's legs. "Does your trouser snake want to come out and play?" Mystere inquired of a bulge that grew larger as he rubbed it.

Time passed as Minus slumbered. In his dream a well endowed blonde Hooters girl was orally pleasuring his member. "That feels fantastic!" Minus moaned in ecstasy. Then she began deep throating his man meat and it wasn't long before Minus exploded. At which point Minus woke. Looking down he saw Mystere between his splayed legs. His zipper was open and his weenie was fully exposed.

"Did you just rape me with your mouth!" an angry Minus roared. Mystere swallowed. "No way" Mystere obfuscated, licking his lips. "Then what the f*ck happened?" Minus demanded. "My girlfriend was blowing you, but she suddenly had to poop really bad and ran to the bathroom". "Is that right?". Minus stood and zipped up his pants. "My God, that was the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced".

Minus fell silent. Uncomfortably they waited. "What are we waiting for?" Mystere asked after awhile. "Your girlfriend to return. I'd like another BJ while awake" Minus explained. They waited awhile longer. "What's taking so long?" Minus eventually asked. "I have no idea" Mystere insisted. "Where is the bathroom?" Minus asked. "Right there" Mystere said, pointing to a door across a hallway adjacent to the living room.

Minus knocked on the door. "You coming out of there, babe?" he asked. No reply. He knocked again, this time harder. Then he tried the handle. The door opened. Looking inside Minus saw a sink, a shower and a toilet. But no one was there. "Nobody's in here" Minus concluded. Mystere joined Minus in the bathroom. "I guess she crawled out the window" Mystere said.

"Why the hell would she do that?" Minus said, not believing Mystere's story. "I think it was YOU who blew me" Minus said, poking Mystere in the chest with his finger. Minus found his head was pounding. A consequence of the jet lag and drinking too much, he guessed. Minus lifted the lid of the toilet and barfed. "I should kill you, you disgusting homo" Minus groaned as he went to his knees and barfed again.

"I am NOT a homo", Mystere whined. "Then where is your girlfriend?" Minus said, shouting. he was really angry, but he was also still aroused. That BJ had felt SO good! He grabbed Mystere and forced him to his knees. "If it was your girlfriend who blew me, then a blowjob from you should feel completely different" he said, unzipping his pants and removing Mr. Happy.

Mystere couldn't believe it. This night could not be going better! Before he realized what he was doing, the johnson of Minus slipped between his lips and down his throat. Minus was truly surprised at how fantastic what he was experiencing felt. Which is why he allowed it to continue. Instead of bashing Mystere in the head with his fist and then beating him to death, which is what he imagined he'd do if a gay guy ever tried to rape him.

When it was over, Minus considered what had happened. "I'm not gay either" he said. "If you're not gay and I'm not gay... then obviously what just transpired was not a homosexual encounter". "Absolutely not" Mystere concurred. "WOW! You are really good at that" Minus said eventually. "Now, I think I'm going to call an Uber and get the hell out of here".

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-114. TF-14.

Mystere Has A Very Merry Christmas

Mystere and his husband Rikishi drove together in the Pinkie Toot Toot (a pink Chevy that was an engagement gift from Rikishi to Mystere). Rikishi was behind the wheel with Mystere riding shotgun. The two husbands having decided to take a trip to the local mall for some last minute Christmas shopping. "Am I going to get to see Santa?" an excited Mystere queried his mate. Rikishi, who was busy concentrating on driving in the hectic California traffic, ignored his husband.

"I'm going to get to see Santa, right?" Mystere asked again. "Yes, yes. You can talk to Santa" an annoyed Rikishi replied. "F*ck you!" Rikishi suddenly screamed as he pulled in front of a large pickup truck. The pickup driver slammed on his breaks and honked his horn. "Asshole" an angry voice shouted. Rikishi stuck his arm out the window and flipped the driver the bird.

Finally they made it to the mall. Rikishi circled the parking lot, looking for a space. Mystere, a huge grin on his face, chanted "Santa, Santa, Santa" over and over. "Can you just drop me off at the front ?" Mystere finally asked. "Sure" his husband agreed. Rikishi pulled the Pinkie Toot Toot around to the front of the mall. Mystere jumped out, shouting "call me on my cell when you get inside". Then he ran into the mall.

Mystere found the line to talk to Santa, but was disappointed at how long it was. "Damn" Mystere grumbled, noting all the parents with their kids in the cue to talk to Old Saint Nick. "I really need to make sure Santa knows what to get me for Christmas" Mystere whined. "What's that" a Mom in line in front of Mystere said, turning around. "I wasn't talking to you, bitch" Mystere replied. "Then who were you talking to?", the woman, an African American lady, asked.

Mystere looked annoyed. "Shouldn't you be in line to talk to the j!g Santa?" Mystere shot back. "What did you say to me?" the woman asked, anger in her voice. "White Santa doesn't deliver presents to j!gs" Mystere explained. Man, this woman was stupid. "Does he deliver presents to gooks?" the annoying woman replied. "Racist!" a shocked Mystere exclaimed. Then he spotted a security guard. "I'm going to report you" Mystere told the woman. He waived the security guard over.

"Hello" the security guard, a White middle-aged man with a crew cut, said as he approached Mystere. "Is there something I can help you with sir?". "Yes" Mystere confirmed. "This j!g just referred to me using the racist term gook". "Oh my" the officer replied. "That wasn't very nice" he said, turning to the African American woman. "And in front of your child!".

The woman looked shocked. Then enraged. "But officer, did you not hear this man just call me a j!g?". "Hmm..." the officer replied. "But you are a j!g, aren't you?". The officer, behind his back, flashed Mystere the White power sign, indicating that they were on the same team.

The African American mom's kid started crying. "Why don't you come with me to the font of the line, sir" the mall cop said, addressing Mystere. "Yes, please" Mystere replied, liking what he was hearing. The mom turned to comfort her crying child as the mall cop guided Mystere to the front of the cue. Then something occurred to him. "Where is your child?" the mall cop asked Mystere.

"I am here to see Santa" Mystere explained. He fumbled in his pockets for the folded up piece of paper on which he had printed his Christmas list. "But you're an adult" the security guard said, clearly confused. Just then a hulking wrestler approached the pair. "I thought I'd find you here" Rikishi said, getting his husband's attention.

The security guard, forgetting his conversation with Mystere, looked surprised. "You're the wrestler, Rikishi!" he excitedly exclaimed. "I'm a huge fan" the mall cop explained. "You know this man?" the mall cop said, assuming he did, since both men were Asian. "This is my bro, Mystere" Rikishi answered. "Cool" the officer replied. "My name is Jackson. Do you and your bro have a kid with you?".

"My bro is here to see Santa for himself. As a joke". "Hmm..." Jackson replied. "Sure, why the hell not? Anyway, this is the VIP line. If your bro wants to talk to Santa, he's up next". Santa dismissed the child on his lap and looked in their direction. Then he motioned for Mystere to bring his kid (he assumed) over. Mystere's eyes grew wide. "Santa!" he cried, running over to the fat bearded White man dressed in red. Mystere lowered himself onto Santa's lap.

"My" Santa exclaimed. "You are a little old to be wanting to talk to Santa, aren't you?". Santa's knee almost buckled under Mystere's weight. "A little heavy, too" Santa remarked. Mystere was so excited he didn't hear Santa's dig at his weight. Mystere unfolded his list. "What I want for Christmas" Mystere announced. Then he cleared his throat and began to read. "The number one item on my list is a sit and ride vibrating dildo chair.


Mystere reached into his pocket and drew forth another piece of paper, which he also unfolded. "Now, the one in this picture is Black, but I want a White one" Mystere said, presenting the paper to Santa. Santa looked stunned. "Next" Santa croaked. He motioned for another child to approach him. "You keep these" Mystere said, attempting to hand the papers to Santa. "Remember, I want a White/Caucasian dildo chair and NOT the Bl@ck/j!g one" Mystere said as he continued to try to get Santa to accept his papers.

An elf, standing behind Santa, grabbed the papers. "I'll take them" the elf said. "Thank you Mr. Elf" Mystere replied. "Remember, I want a WHITE dild0 chair". "Yeah, I see you have that written down here" the elf said, examining the paper. "As long as you're a good boy Santa will bring you a White dild0 chair for Christmas. Consider your order placed" the elf assured Mystere, a smirk on his face.

"Thank you so much" Mystere said, turning to leave. Then he stopped, turned back, and gave Santa a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Santa" Mystere declared. Then he skipped away, his heart filled with joy. "You tell Santa about that dild0 chair you want?" Rikishi asked his husband. "I sure did" Mystere replied. "The elf said that, as long as I was a good boy, he'd make sure I get my dild0 chair"! Mystere said, beaming.

Christmas morning arrived and Mystere, so excited he could barely contain himself, ran into the living room butt naked, his teenie weenie flapping up and down. "Aren't you going at least put on your robe?" Rikishi asked. "I want to use my dildo chair right away" Mystere explained. Looking under the tree Mystere did not see a box large enough to contain the dild0 chair. Mystere's heart sank. "What's wrong" Rikishi asked, perplexed at Mystere's sudden mood change.

"I don't see a box big enough to be my dild0 chair" Mystere grumbled. A tear ran down his cheek. "That elf lied to me" Mystere concluded. "It's inflatable" Rikishi said. "So it could fit in one of these smaller boxes?" Mystere asked. "Exactly" Rikishi confirmed. Mystere's face lit up again. Soon the presents were opened and, after Rikishi spent a few minutes blowing up the dild0 chair, Mystere was eagerly lowering his quivering and lubed up butth0le down upon the flesh colored dild0.

"Weee!!" Mystere screamed as he bounced up and down on his dild0 chair. "Oh, God, this feels fantastic!". Mystere used the remote to dial up vibrate to 10. Mystere almost lost his sh!t. "My @nus thanks you, Santa!" a smiling Mystere cried out in ecstasy. "I don't know for how much longer my butth0le can stand so much pleasure" Mystere remarked. "I'm glad you like it" Rikishi replied.


"Can I try it?" Rikishi asked. Mystere stopped bouncing. "OK, I guess so. You can take a short turn. Emphasis on SHORT". Rikishi dropped his jammie bottoms as Mystere squeezed some lube onto his open palm. "Let me lube you up" Mystere offered. He got down on his knees as Rikishi spread his enormous butt cheeks. After Mystere lubed up Rikishi's @nus the wrestler lowered himself down onto the dild0. "AHHH!" Rikishi moaned in pleasure.

"Give me the remote" Rikishi said, motioning to his husband. Mystere handed him the remote and Rikishi dialed up the juice. "Oh my. You weren't kidding. This does an excellent job of stimulating the pr0state". Then, imitating what his husband had done, the wrestler started bouncing up and down. Higher and higher Rikishi bounced.

Touching the ceiling, Rikishi lifted his legs in the air, then hit the ground with the full weight of all his 440 pounds. The seams let loose and the dild0 chair exploded. Rikishi sat there, stunned. Mystere, a look of shock on his face, started crying. "Noooooo!!! You destroyed my dild0 chair!" Mystere blubbered. "I think I fractured my tailbone" Rikishi, who was in quite a bit of pain, informed his husband through clenched teeth.

Post authored by the anti-Mystere Blogger Dervish Sanders. wym093. TF-13.

Mystere Dabbles In Necrophilia

"Can I come in and sit down? How about over there". Mystere's ex-boyfriend Chad (who was currently standing just inside the vestibule off the kitchen, having entered from the back yard) pointed to the kitchen table. "No" Mystere said, standing firm. "Let me know what you want, then I want you to go". Chad looked uncomfortable. Then he said "OK, Mystere, since you've forced my hand I'll cut to the chase".

"I'm in deep trouble. Financially. I owe my bookie, Dick Peyronie, a lot of money. Since you're married to a successful WWE wrestler, I thought you could help me out". "No, no, no". Mystere insisted. "Rikishi made some bad investments and lost a lot of the money he accumulated back when he was younger. The truth is, he had to take a pay cut recently due to his declining popularity. Sorry, but I can't help you".

Then it hit Mystere. He knew this Dick Peyronie person Chad said he owed money to. It was some dude he used to have sex with, back when he was a member of NAMßLA. He specifically recalled a three-way he, Chad and Dick had participated in when Mystere was just 11 years old. That was the first time he'd had sex with another man.

Another man beside his father, that is (who started molesting Mystere when he was 7). Dick Peyronie, in fact, was the man most responsible for Mystere's prowess at or@l sex. Mystere remembered it was Dick's member which he practiced on for hours until he became a pro at pleasuring the male organ.

"Just threaten to expose him as a member of NAMßLA" Mystere suggested. "Isn't the guy married? Threaten to tell his wife". "No, Mystere. I can't do that". Mystere looked confused. "Well, why the hell not?". "Because I'm a member of NAMßLA" Chad explained. "Sure" Mystere agreed. "We both were. But those guys took advantage of us. We're victims. Nobody will hold that against you, Chad".

"I'm not talking about when we were kids. I'm a current member" Chad explained. "Anyway, back to my financial problems. I, and I am quite embarrassed to admit this, got involved in an online fantasy football league. At first I won. But then I started losing. What I thought was a temporary losing streak that I'd turn around eventually ended up costing me a lot of money. Dick said he'd front me the money I needed to keep playing".

"I already sold my car. The cherry red ferrari you liked so much. And my parents disowned me when they found out I'm gay, so I can't go to them for money. I had to take the bus here, Mystere. I walked three miles from the f*cking bus stop to get to your house. Please, you're the only person I can turn to".

At this point Chad started weeping. What a pussy, Mystere thought. "Please, Mystere, you've got to help me" Chad pleeded. "Dick says he needs the money real bad and will hurt me if I can't get it for him fast". "No can do, Chad" Mystere said cooly. "I still owe Dick 5 thousand dollars. Probably not a lot for you. I've got to have it, Mystere" Chad sniffled. Mystere really didn't care. Then Chad made a big mistake and shoved Mystere. Or maybe he was coming in for a hug. But Mystere wasn't having it. He shoved Chad back.

Then he pulled Rikishi's 9mm out of his waistband and pointed it at Chad. "I want you to leave. NOW". Mystere, Chad could see, was dead serious. "Wait" Chad said, his voice quivering. He was clearly afraid of the gun. Mystere took out the silencer and screwed it onto the end of the weapon. Chad's face turned white and his eyes grew wide. "So, your mother tells me that you're going steady with Rikishi's sister" Chad whispered.

"What?" Mystere responded, confused. "Your mother, who I visited yesterday, told me that you're going steady with Rikishi's sister". Mystere lowered the gun, stunned. "The thing is, Mystere, Rikishi doesn't have a sister. I'd really hate to have to tell your mother that you're married. To a man".

Now Mystere was pissed. How dare Chad threaten to tell his mother about his living arrangement with Rikishi! Of course she would get the wrong idea and assume he was gay. Instead of totally straight. Which Mystere was. Mystere was so mad that, without even realizing it, he pulled the trigger. A silenced shot went off and Chad clutched his belly, then doubled over.

"You shot me!" an astonished Chad cried as blood gushed from his wound. "Oops" Mystere squeaked. "I didn't mean to do that". Chad staggered. "You've got to call an ambulance" Chad pleaded. "No way" Mystere exclaimed. "I don't want to go to prison!". Chad went down to his knees. Blood spurted from his belly onto the tiled floor. "Jeez, you're making a big mess" Mystere complained.

Chad fell over onto his side. Dead, apparently. "Oh no, what have I done?" Mystere wailed. "Stupid, Mystere, stupid". What he should have done was pretend to go along with giving Chad the money, had sex with him, then told him to get the f*ck out. That would have shown him. Now he was in big trouble. Rikishi was going to be so angry.

Mystere thought about it for awhile. After he finished crying. I've got to hide the body, Mystere decided. "Damn, I'd really liked to have sodomized Chad's anus one last time" Mystere lamented. Although who's to say I still can't? Mystere had to admit that he was suddenly quite curious about what it would be like to have sex with someone who had passed on.

Mystere rolled Chad's body over so he was face down. Then he pulled down his pants. "You've got this coming, Chad". Mystere's anger returned and he had hate sex with Chad's corpse. "I feel a lot better" Mystere decided after he'd finished. Then he heard Chad groan. What, he's not dead? Chad's eyelids fluttered. "Help me" Chad moaned. "Chad, you bastard! Why don't you die already"? Mystere picked up his gun from where it was lying on the floor. Closing his eyes, he fired in the general direction of where Chad had crumpled.

After opening his eyes, Mystere crawled over to where Chad was lying. This time he was sure Chad was dead, given that there was a bullet hole above his right eye. And the back of his head was blown off. Then Mystere realized that, if Chad had still been alive before, he hadn't had sex with a dead body.

"I guess I have no choice but to go again" Mystere concluded. First Mystere placed a towel over Chad's head. He didn't want to look at that while he humped Chad's dead ass. It took a little longer this go-round, but eventually (after a few minutes) Mystere came a second time. "Wow, I'm spent" a suddenly very sleepy Mystere remarked. "I think I'm going to take a nap". Mystere looked down and noticed that he was covered with blood. "I probably should take a shower first".

Mystere took a warm shower, then crawled into bed and went to sleep. A few hours later he woke up. "I had a really weird dream" Mystere said, still sleepy. "So vivid". Mystere got up, put on his robe, and made his way to the kitchen. He was really hungry. Then Mystere saw a body lying in a large pool of blood in the rear vestibule.

"Oh, my" Mystere exclaimed. "I guess it wasn't a dream". Mystere approached the body. "Look at this f*cking mess" an angry Mystere grumbled. "Your fault" Mystere yelled, kicking Chad in the chest. Chad rolled onto his side. Because his pants and underwear were down around his ankles, Mystere noticed something spectacular concerning his nether region. "Wow" Mystere said, impressed.

Mystere got a mop and pail and started cleaning up the blood. "I'll reward myself after all this hard work with a ride on that impressive erection" Mystere decided. Thank God Rikishi was gone for the weekend. When he left earlier in the day it was to go to the airport to fly to another state for a wrestling gig. Which meant that Mystere had all weekend to clean up this mess and get rid of the body. Also to have sex a few more times with his now deceased ex boyfriend.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. WYM-92. TF-12.

Mystere And His Old Boyfriend Chad Reconnect

Mystere walked to the mailbox located at the end of his driveway in an Orange County California suburb. He was really depressed after the midterm election results. Mystere voted a straight GOP ticket, yet the OC threw out all their republican representives and replaced them with Democrats.

"This must be part of God's plan" Mystere mused. Soon the Deep State witch hunt will be revealed and Hillary Clinton will be arrested and jailed. Then (in 2020) Donald Trump will be elected to a 2nd term. As fireman Mark Taylor had prophesied. Just thinking of Satan's minon (the Hildabeast) behind bars caused Mystere to smile. He started skipping and chanting in a sing-song voice.

"Lock her up. Lock her up". No matter that it hadn't happened yet. Any day now Mystere was SURE that the headlines would read Hillary Clinton Arrested. Now that Jeff Sessions had been replaced with Matthew Whitaker, the Clinton arrest was sure to happen any day.

Mystere reached the end of the driveway. Opening the mailbox revealed a number of envelopes, most of them bills addressed to his husband, Rikishi. The house husband was so glad that he didn't have to worry about such things any longer. Rikishi, a successful world famous wrestler, was fairly well paid for his work as a WWE performer.

Mystere was about to close the lid when he noticed a package pushed all the way to the back of the box. Reaching in Mystere grabbed the parcel and withdrew it. Printed on the front of the rectangular box wrapped in brown paper was his name, Mystere. In the upper left hand corner, instead of a return address, the sender had written a friend. There was no postage or postmark. "I wonder what this is?" Mystere pondered. Possibly a mail bomb?

Mystere took the mail (including the bomb) inside. After dropping the bills on his husband's desk, Mystere looked around for his canine, Buttstink. "Is this a bomb, Buttstink?" Mystere held the box close to Buttstink's nose. "Buttstink says no" Mystere declared after reading the dog's expression. He shook the box violently. "I think that would have set it off" Mystere concluded. He placed the box on the kitchen table, then tore off the wrapping.

Removing a sharp knife from the butcher block, Mystere sliced into the packing tape that sealed the unwrapped cardboard box. Suddenly he slipped and cut a deep gash into the side of his hand. "Owww! My hand" Mystere screamed, dropping the knife. Blood sprayed from the wound. Mystere ran to the kitchen sink and ran cold water on his hand. The pain was unbearable. Mystere almost passed out from blood loss. He started crying.

"No, Mystere. Be a man" he commanded himself. Then he grabbed a kitchen rag and wrapped his owie. "F*ck the asshole who sent me this cursed package" Mystere lamented. But the box was open, so Mystere decided to look inside. Bending back the cardboard flaps, Mystere found an envelope. On the envelope it said To Mystere from your friend, Pookie Toot Toot. What could it be, Mystere wondered. Placing the envelope aside for the time being, Mystere dug into the packing peanuts.

Eventually Mystere fished out a half dozen paper envelopes. Written in crayon on each of the envelopes were the words Astral Mushroom Spores. "Am I supposed to smoke or snort them?" Mystere wondered. Maybe the letter would provide the sought after information. Opening the letter Mystere began reading. It said, "Mystere, I apologize for stealing your bong and three bags of weed. I couldn't help myself. Please accept as my apology the enclosed Astral Mushroom spores. Trust me, these will get you super high".

What followed were instructions on how to plant and grow the mushrooms. "Damn it" Mystere swore. "Why couldn't Pookie send me already grown mushrooms?". Mystere went out to the backyard. In the corner of the property was an old greenhouse, build by the previous owner. Mystere knew there were some bags of potting soil in there. He found some clay pots and scooped some of the dark, rich soil into them. Then he took the pots back inside.

Mystere opened the basement door. This was a dark damp place that would be perfect for growing mushrooms. Although it scared Mystere to go down here. There might be ghosts. Or one ghost, specifically. Flipping on the lights, Mystere carefully made his way down the stairs which creaked under his weight. Mystere placed the box containing the spores on a old wood table located in a corner of the basement. Along with the soil filled clay pots.

Mystere took one of the pots over to an ancient cast iron sink and ran some water over the soil, making sure it was good and damp. He opened one of the paper envelopes and sprinkled some of the spores over the moistened dirt, as per the hand written instructions. "That should do it" Mystere announced. Mystere glanced at an ice chest in the other corner of the basement. It was old, but still ran. Luckily.



Mystere didn't know where he'd keep his pizzas and ice cream sandwiches if it quit working. Also Chad's dead body. Mystere approached the freezer. It hummed loudly. Opening the lid, Mystere picked up some pizza boxes, just to check if Chad was still there. Mystere poked the body, which was wrapped in plastic. Chad was pretty solid by this time, having been frozen for over a year.

Mystere thought back to that day. His phone rang. Answering it, Mystere heard a voice say, "Mystere, it's me, Chad". Mystere was a little shocked, given that it had been almost a decade since he'd heard from his old boyfriend. "I thought you died from AIDS" Mystere replied icely. "No, I'm alive" Chad said. Silence. "I heard you got married" Chad said finally.

"You heard wrong. Unlike you, I'm not a fag" Mystere angrily replied. "Really? I heard you were cohabitating with the wrestler Rikishi". "Yes" Mystere confirmed. "For legal reasons we decided a contract would be best. Nothing wrong with two totally straight bros taking advantage of the fag marriage law to protect themselves. Legally speaking".

"You could have hired a lawyer to write you up a cohabitation agreement. As opposed to getting married" Chad interject. "Nah ah" Mystere countered. Silence. "So what the f*ck do you want, Chad" Mystere said after several seconds of uncomfortable silence. "I wanted to know if I could come see you" Chad explained.

"No. No way. I don't want to see you" Mystere answered. "I'm already here. I knocked on your front door but nobody answered. I saw Rikishi leave alone and figured you were probably inside the house". "Nope, I'm at the grocery store" Mystere lied. "Your car is in the driveway" Chad countered. "I went for a walk" Mystere lied again. "I'm looking right at you" Chad said, calling Mystere on his lie.

"Impossible. I'm in the bathroom sitting on the toilet. That's why I ignored the knocking". Then Mystere looked out the bathroom window and saw (to his shock) a face starring in at him. It was his ex boyfriend Chad. "Hi". Chad waved. Mystere hung up his phone. "Excuse me, I'm pooping" Mystere yelled at the face in the window. "Actually, it looks like you're m@sturbating" Chad remarked, peering in the window.

"I'm m@sturbating and pooping. Not that it's any of your business" Mystere replied angrily. "Is it ok if I just come in?" Chad asked. "I already tried the back door and it's open. I didn't want to barge in on you, however". "Sure. Come in through the back door. I'll meet you there". "OK. I'll do that" Chad said, then disappeared. Mystere quickly stood and pulled up his underwear and pants (without wiping). Then ran to the bedroom.

Mystere went to his knees and put his hands under the bed. Then he pulled out a metal box. After entering the combination (1-2-3-4-5) the box flipped open. Mystere pulled out his husband's gun, a black 9mm. Mystere tucked the gun into his waistband, then, after grabbing the silencer, headed to the back door.

Mystere entered the vestibule (off the kitchen) and immediately heard knocking. "Ok, I'm coming" Mystere yelled. "Can I come in?" Chad asked, opening the door. "Yeah, it looks like you're already doing that, Chad" Mystere replied. Chad shut the door behind him. "So, what is it, Chad?" an annoyed Mystere queried his unwelcome guest.

Post authored by the anti-Trump, anti-Myst3re Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. wym90. TF-11.

Mystere Screws The Pooch

Mystere woke up the next morning smiling. "I have to get this down in my dream journal before I forget", Mystere muttered, reaching for a pad of paper on his nightstand. Opening up the notebook, Mystere, after licking the tip of his number 2 pencil, wrote My Gift Horse. Then he underlined it. Then he underlined it again.

Mystere was about to start writing about his encounter with a supremely well-endowed stallion when a thunderous fart detonated, causing Mystere's eardrums to rumble. "Mount Rikishi is about to erupt again", Mystere's husband announced. Rikishi tensed up his sphincter, then let another one rip. This one sounded like a determined sousaphonist, lungs full of air, blowing a long low sour note until his face turned red.

Mystere quickly pulled the covers over his head, dutch ovening himself. Huffing in the sulfurous gas through his nostrils and mouth, Mystere tasted his husband's fart. After a few minutes he emerged from under the sheets, eyes watering and smacking his lips. "Delicious!" Mystere exclaimed. "You're welcome" Rikishi responded. "Now go fix my breakfast. I'm going to go back to sleep for a half hour or so".

Mystere rose from the bed he shared with his husband. Slipping a terry cloth robe over his nude body, Mystere made his way to the kitchen. Walking down the hallway he felt a squish between his toes. Glancing at the floor Mystere spotted a huge dog turd. "Buttstink!" Mystere grumbled. Mystere reached down and picked up the turd with his bare hands. He wrapped it in a tissue and put it in his pocket. "I'll save you for later", he said, patting his pocket.

Mystere looked behind the living room couch. There he spotted his canine, Buttstink. Buttstink growled. "Come to daddy, Buttstink", Mystere cooed. He grabbed the dog by his collar and pulled him out. Buttstink snapped, but Mystere swatted him on the snout with a rolled up copy of Highlights. "Bad Buttstink!" Mystere said sternly. Mystere turned the dog around, then got down on his knees so that his pelvis lined up with the canine's posterior.

"I'm going to give you the pleasure of a lifetime", Mystere declared as he slipped little mystere into the dog's @nus. Buttstink yelped. Mystere grinded against Buttstink's rear end for a few seconds, then grunted and finished his business. "You're very welcome", Mystere announced. Wiping some sweat from his brow, Mystere stood.

Buttstink, taking the opportunity, ran. "Time for some toons", Mystere said, flipping on the TV. Taking a seat, Mystere found Powerpuff Girls on the DVR and pressed play. Awhile later, after a few episodes had played, Mystere heard some grumbling coming from the bedroom. "Is my breakfast ready?" Rikishi shouted. "Oh, no. I completely forgot!" a surprised Mystere exclaimed. The house husband ran to the pantry and, after frantically scanning the shelves, found a box of Cocoa Puffs, which he grabbed.

Mystere took the box to the kitchen, opened it and shook some puffs into a bowl. Adding some milk to the bowl, Mystere took a glass from the shelf and poured some OJ into it. Placing the bowl and glass on a tray, along with a spoon and some packets of sugar, Mystere carried the breakfast into the bedroom.

Mystere placed the tray on the bed. "Here you go, my love", Mystere declared. "What the f*ck is this!" Rikishi demanded, staring at the tray. "Breakfast?" Mystere squeaked. "You know I like steak and eggs" Rikishi angrily reminded his husband. "Steak and eggs, not f*cking Cocoa Puffs!" Rikishi screamed, picking up the tray and flinging it against the wall.

The glass and bowl shattered, a shower of milk and OJ spraying everywhere. "I'm going to shower and get dressed", Rikishi declared. "When I'm finished I expect steak and eggs. If not? There WILL be consequences", Rikishi warned his husband. Rikishi slammed the bathroom door and, a few seconds later, Mystere heard running water.

Rushing back to the kitchen, Mystere flung open the refrigerator. "Steak, steak steak... I don't see any steak!" Mystere cried. Looking in the freezer, Mystere found a single frozen steak. Finally! Mystere threw the steak in the microwave and hit defrost. "This isn't going to cut it", Mystere decided. He turned the power up to high.

Mystere was really sweating, worried that he wouldn't have the steak and eggs ready for his husband in time. "Hurry up, Mystere! Rikishi will tan my hide if I don't get this done ASAP". Mystere placed a frying pan on the burner and, after turning it on, added butter, then some eggs.

Soon the eggs were sizzling. Mystere added some cheese, then flipped the eggs. "Now for the steak", Mystere said, relieved. Just then he heard a loud explosion. Opening the microwave Mystere found the inside covered with bits of steak. Grabbing the pan of eggs, Mystere scrapped the steak bits in with the eggs.

Rikishi entered the kitchen. He did not look happy. "Is my breakfast ready?" the wrestler demanded. "Yes, sir. It's coming right up", Mystere replied. Mystere scraped the contents of the pan onto a plate and brought it over to the table where his husband had taken a seat. "Ugh", Rikishi grunted. "This is a mess".

Rikishi grabbed a knife and fork and started cutting up the steak. Except his knife did not slice through a nice juicy piece of meat as he expected. Stabbing the meat with his fork, Rikishi touched the steak to his lips. "This is frozen!" an angry Rikishi announced.

"I don't have time for this", Rikishi decided as he shoveled the eggs into his open maw. "You! under the table", Rikishi commanded. "You can give me my morning BJ as I finish these eggs". Mystere got on his knees and crawled under the table as his husband demanded. After unzipping Rikishi's pants Mystere got to work.

Rikishi finished his eggs and sat back and enjoyed the 0ral pleasure his husband was providing. When complete, Rikishi wiped himself off with a napkin. Standing, the burly wrestler zipped up, then said, "I've got a long day of wrestling ahead of me. Your punishment will have to wait until I get home tonight".

Rikishi strode toward the door where he stopped to slip on his shoes. Opening the door, Rikishi paused to say, "I expect the housework to be complete when I return. I might go easy on you in regards to your punishment. It all depends on the job you do". The door slammed and Rikishi was gone. A few moments later Mystere heard the engine of Rikishi's Dodge Pinto roar, then the squeal of tires as the vehicle sped away.

"Finally, I can get back to my toons", a relieved Mystere remarked, dropping the frying pan into the sink. "I'll take care of this later". Mystere went to the fridge. "I need an Orange Fanta and some potato chips. My Little Pony should be on soon".

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. See also the 10/8/2018 Mystere post "Dervish Screws The Pooch Again!". TF-10, wym089.

Mystere's Bigly Gay Gang Bang

A 22 year-old Mystere was so excited. He had been in a funk after being dumped by his first love, Chad, spiraling down below. This involved cruising bus stations around the city looking for homeless men who'd allow him to suck them off for a few dollars.

Mystere finally received some good news via a new friend he met on Grindr. Lying in bed next to Brent one evening, his new love revealed that he knew a director who worked in the gāy p0rn industry.

"Really! That's interesting", Mystere exclaimed. "It has been a long time dream of mine to break the world d!ck-sucking record. I'm not sure what the record is", Mystere said. "But I'm positive I could break it".

"I absolutely think you could", Brent agreed. "It so happens I just got a job as an assistant on Gāy Gang Bāng #6, a film that is currently auditioning talent. I'm sure I could convince the director to give you a shot".

Mystere squealed in delight. "Thank you so much Brent!". Mystere slipped underneath the covers and gave Brent a thank you bj.

"That was in appreciation for making a lifelong fantasy of mine come true", Mystere said after he finished.

"Wow!" a breathless Brent whispered. "That was one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had". Brent turned his back to Mystere, pretending to go to sleep. He lay next to Mystere for a while in the dark. "You asleep, Mystere?" Brent asked. Brent was hoping he was because he had another Grindr date lined up in a few hours. Mystere usually wanted to cuddle, which Brent definitely was not into.

Brent felt a finger inserted into his ānus. "Does that answer your question", Mystere quietly breathed into his ear.

"I've got to go", Brent said, pulling away. "The part in Gāy Gang Bāng #6 isn't a sure thing, by the way. I'll put in a good word and see IF I can get you an audition".

"OK", Mystere replied. Suddenly he was worried. To have his dream dangled in front of him, only to be snatched away? He didn't know if he take such disappointment.

"I might have to kill myself if I don't get a part", Mystere said, on the verge of sobbing. Brent pretended he didn't hear, finished dressing and left. "Call me" Mystere shouted as the door of his apartment slammed.

The next day Mystere called in sick to work. "I don't feel well", he told Judy in HR.

"Bob is not going to be happy", Judy told him. "He said there were commercials you needed to finish cutting together so they could air this week".

"I'm sorry", Mystere lied. "I'm too sick to come in today". Mystere fake coughed then hung up before Judy could reply. Mystere had already threatened to tell Bob's wife about their affair. So he took liberties when he wanted and Bob could pound sand if he didn't like it. Mystere went back to sleep. A few hours later Mystere woke to the sound of someone pounding on his door.

"Open up, I know you're in there" a male voice said. Mystere rose to see who it was.

Opening the door completely nude, Mystere saw his boss from the radio station standing before him.

"I've got to have you!" Bob blurted after eyeing Mystere's naked body.

"I'm sick" Mystere fibbed. "That's bullsh!t" Bob declared. Then he forced his way into the apartment, slammed the door behind him, and took Mystere in the butt on the kitchen floor.

"No!" Mystere fake protested. But he was loving it.

Bob grunted as he finished. Then he went into the bathroom to wash up. Mystere got dressed and sat down on the bed. He turned on the TV and flipped around until he found some cartoons. "I'm very cross with you, Mystere", Bob announced after emerging from the bathroom. "I had to cancel a meeting with some important clients to come down to this dump". Bob stroked his mustache and lit a cigarette. Indeed, he looked angry.

"I'm sorry", Mystere apologized. He was worried Bob might tell him he needed a spanking.

"I've had just about enough of these threats to tell my wife about what's going on between us!" Bob roared. "Now she tells me she has been getting a lot of calls from someone who refuses to talk when she answers".

"So what?" Mystere said, getting defensive.

"The calls are from your number, Mystere! I should know. I pay the bill".

"Oh", Mystere said sheepishly.

"This will stop" Bob warned. "I don't like hurting you, but I can NOT tolerate this bad behavior".

Mystere hung his head in shame. Bob had given him a severe thrashing when he found out he was bl0wing homeless guys. That incident left Mystere black and blue for weeks, so he knew Bob was serious.

"I won't do it again", Mystere promised.

"OK", Bob acquiesced. "But you better not be lying to me. Or else". Bob snuffed out his cigarette in a old pizza box lying on the table and walked toward the door. "You better show up for work tomorrow", Bob cautioned Mystere. Then he was gone.

Mystere went to the fridge and grabbed a Fanta. "Yum," Mystere remarked as he guzzled the cold soda. Mystere grabbed a slice of pizza, eating around the cigarette butt as he continued watching cartoons.

Brent called Mystere on his cell a few days later. "I've got good news", Brent said.

"Is it about the Gāy Gang Bāng?" Mystere said excitedly, cutting Brent off.

"Yes. I got you an audition", Brent replied.

Mystere took down the address. "I'll be there", Mystere said hanging up.

The next day Mystere took a long lunch. He was really nervous. Mystere took the bus to the address Brent had given him, a nondescript building in the city.

"I'm here to audition", Mystere told the receptionist, an older woman with a large bust.

"For what?" the big boobed woman said disgustedly, looking him over.

"The Gāng Bāng film", Mystere replied.

"Oh, no. You're not the right type for that film", the lady said condescendingly. "No fatties".

"Brent sent me", Mystere protested.

"I don't know any Brent. And my eyes are up here". The lady pointed to her eyes.

"I'm not looking at your fake tits", Mystere replied. "Ask the director. Brent said he'd tell him he should give Mystere an audition".

"You're Mystere, I take it?" the woman asked, checking a piece of paper.

"Yes", Mystere affirmed.

"Very well", the lady said. "My name is Blanche. Have a seat". The woman waved Mystere toward a waiting room directly across from her. Mystere entered the room and sat down. Two other young, cut men were already seated, waiting to audition (Mystere presumed).

Brent emerged from a back room. He was carrying a stack of white terry-cloth robes. Handing out the robes, he ushered Mystere and the young bucks into a dressing room. "Change into these robes", Brent instructed. "Your clothes will be waiting for you when you're done auditioning" Brent said. "Good luck!" he whispered into Mystere's ear.

"What the fu©k are you doing here?" one of the young bucks asked Mystere.

"I'm auditioning for the Gang Bang film", Mystere replied. The young buck laughed. Suddenly Mystere was unsure of what he was doing. His face turned a bright red. He entered the dressing room and quickly removed his clothing.

After they had donned the robes, Brent lead the three men into another room.

"I am the director of Gāy Gāng Bāng #6, Simon Buckmaster" the man said. He stroked his closely cropped graying beard. "Please remove your robes, gentlemen", Simon announced. The two young bucks got naked. Mystere, eyeing their buff bodies, hesitated.

"What's wrong, chubby?" the man next to him asked sarcastically.

"Brent tells me you describe yourself as the Asian Ron Jeremy", Simon said, addressing Mystere.

"Yes, sir!" Mystere replied.

"Let me see what you look like erect", Simon directed the two young bucks. "Brent, please fluff them". Brent compiled and soon the assets of the two young bucks were on full display. "Not you", Simon said disapprovingly, pointing to the young buck on the left.

The man, a dejected look on his face, put his robe back on and exited the room.

"You, please come closer", Simon commanded the remaining young buck. Grabbing hold of the young buck's member, Simon smiled. "Rock hard. And plenty large. You have the part". Simon congratulated the man.

"You may depart. Blanche has some paperwork for you to fill out after you get dressed". Simon waved his hand and the second young buck put his robe back on and left.

"Now for you", Simon said, frowning.

Mystere dropped his robe. "Ugh", Simon grunted. "Disgusting. It appears as though your gut obscures your manhood, if anything is there at all".

"It's right here", Mystere said, lifting his belly to reveal his package.

"Clearly you are not an Asian Ron Jeremy. Is this some kind of joke, Brent?" Simon looked like he might either laugh or possibly throw up. "Please explain".

"When I said I was an Asian Ron Jeremy, I meant I was fat and good at sex", Mystere stammered.

"He is extraordinarily talented at 0rally pleasuring the male organ", Brent interjected. "To that fact I can personally attest".

"OK", the director decided after contemplating the situation for awhile. "Let me see for myself".

He unzipped his fly and removed his johnson. Mystere dropped to his knees and went to work. Several minutes later Simon was 100% convinced that what Brent said was correct. "Oh, my God! you weren't kidding", Simon concluded.

Mystere smiled (after swallowing).

"Not so fast", Simon said after tucking his dong back into his pants and zipping up his fly.

"The fact remains that you are far too ugly to appear in my film. I am sorry, but I cannot give you a part". Simon sat down at his desk. "Now please leave".

"No!" Mystere cried, tears filling his eyes. Then he started to cry. "Please, I'll work for free", Mystere begged.

"Brent, why is your friend still here?" Simon demanded.

Mystere left, sobbing uncontrollably and feeling more disappointed than he had ever felt before in his life.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. wym82. TF-9.

The Alpha Male Minus Quest For True Love Impeded By So Many Lying Whores!

"Hello, my name is Farmer John" Minus said, using one of his many aliases. "That is an odd name" the woman replied. Then she looked at him closer, scrutinizing the man beside her. "I know you" the woman said finally. "You're the guy who grabbed my breasts in Shorty's Southside Tavern last week".

Minus thought. "Yes" he admitted, remembering. "That was I. When I see a pair of double-Ds I can't help but grab them", Minus said complementing the woman. The lady looked shocked, but Minus knew she was loving the attention. "You're a waitress there, aren't you?" Minus asked. "No" the woman replied nervously. "I was having a drink with some co-workers".

She and this unknown man were walking alone together through a local park just before dusk. When she first noticed the man, other people were around, so she wasn't that concerned. Now it was starting to get dark and those people turned down another path a while back. But the man continued to walk behind her. Then he was beside her. He smiled and introduced himself.

"You live near here?" Minus inquired. "No" the woman answered, feeling a little fearful. "My boyfriend is waiting for me at the entrance of the park" the woman added, hoping that would scare Minus off. "Interesting" Minus replied, not buying what the woman told him. "Maybe we could go back to your place for a quickie" Minus inquired. The vibe he was getting from this woman told him she wanted him desperately.

The woman's eyes got wide, then she took off running, fearful she was about to be raped. "What's wrong, honey?" Minus shouted at the fleeing woman. "Ridiculous" Minus scoffed. "It seems this stupid ho has uncharitably categorized my pass as a prelude to a sexual assault". Minus continued on his way.

A while later he reached the edge of the park. Passing through the gates, the woman he had encountered earlier suddenly jumped in front of him. She had what looked like a spray can in her hand. She started spraying, but Minus quickly grabbed her wrist and deflected the stream away from his eyes (where she was aiming).

"You trying to mace me, bitch?" Minus growled. But Minus wasn't angry; he was amused. Minus had a tight grip on the woman's wrist. She struggled but couldn't get away. Minus began to laugh. "A pretty young thing like you out alone at night is just asking to get raped" Minus informed the woman.

Gaile (the woman) started screaming. "Shut up, slut" Minus commanded. He pulled her to him and placed his hand over her mouth, muffling her screams. Gaile bit down. Minus yelled and let her go. Gaile attempted to run away, but Minus grabbed hold of her purse. The purse strap snapped and Gaile stumbled back. Her feet slipped out from under her and she landed on her back, hard.

Minus put his hand to his mouth and sucked the blood out of the bite. "Shit!", that hurts Minus complained. "I should call the cops and report this assault" Minus snarled. Galie got to her feet shakily and stumbled a bit. Then she bolted, disappearing into the darkness. "Hey, you forgot your purse" Minus said as he watched the fleeing woman vanish. "Dumb bitch".

Minus opened the woman's purse and found her driver's license. "Gaile Trotter. I know where you live, Gaile Trotter. I might have to stop by Gaile's place to return her purse" Minus decided. "Despite her assault, I am a gentleman. She's going to need her driver's license and credit cards. I surely wouldn't want her to go through the hassle of having to replace them".

A few days later Minus, behind the wheel of his jet black Camaro with flames painted on the side, drove past Gaile Trotter's house. A small bungalow located on a side street not far from the park where he had first encountered her. Minus parked on a side street and proceeded to watch from a location where he had a good view of Gaile's property.

Inside the house Gaile was fixing herself dinner. Thinking of her encounter with Minus, she checked the lock on her front door. It was secure. How stupid she was to have walked through the park right before dark, Gaile berated herself. She had, of course, done it many times before. Although before it was always during the daytime. It just so happened that her place of employment was a few blocks from Shorty's, and she liked to hang out there with work friends.

She was pretty scared after she got away from the stranger. Gaile jogged to the edge of the park, then attempted to call the police, but found that her cell phone battery was dead. Seeing the man approaching, Gaile ducked behind one of the stone pillars that made up the arch that was the entrance to the park.

Removing the mace from her purse, Gaile intended to spay her would-be assailant in the face, then make her getaway. But he grabbed her wrist, then stole her purse. Gaile reported the incident to the police and filed a report, but they took it for a purse snatching and not an attempted rape. After she admitted she'd been drinking and was a little tipsy, it seems they didn't take her seriously.

Minus watched the house for several days, driving by after work and staying until the sun went down. That is how he deduced that Gaile lived alone. He also, after charging it up, examined her cell phone. It was password protected, but Minus booted it into safe mode to bypass the 3rd party lock screen. There was an entry that read Mom and Dad (an out-of-state number), plus the names of numerous female friends (Minus guessed). But no male names.

"Is she a lesbian?" Minus pondered. Perhaps what she needed was to meet a real man. That would cure her of her lesbianism. Minus knew he was just the man, an Alpha Male. She'd be grateful once he returned her purse. Naturally she'd have to find a way to thank him. Minus had that effect on women, the misunderstanding in the park being a shocking exception to how such encounters usually went down.

Minus was used to women throwing themselves at him. Given how good-looking and successful he was. He'd picked up quite a few women in bars around the city. All he had to do was flash a huge wad of cash and the next thing he knew he was getting a BJ in the bathroom. Then he'd quickly dump them, not wanting to take up permanently with some tramp who'd blow a guy in the bathroom of some seedy bar. He lived by the same credo as Brett Kavanaugh. FFFFF, or Find them, Feel them, Finger them, F*ck them, Forget them.

But he had a feeling that, this time, with Gaile, things would be different. Likely she was used to only beta males, which is why a strong alpha like Minus threw her off. Gaile was probably fantasizing about him right now (and touching herself), just as he was fantasizing about her (and doing the same). Minus was convinced that she could be the one. The one who would finally convince him to settle down and start a family.

Plus she apparently owned her own home, suggesting she was financially independent. Minus saw an entry for her place of employment in the phone. An investment banking firm. That would work for Minus, as he was tired of whores who were primarily interested in him because he was well off. Yes, he decided -- he was definitely interested in seeing if he could make this thing with Gaile work.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. wtm-81. tf-8.

Mystere's Life Story. The Condensed Version

A 7 year old Mystere was playing with building blocks in the living room. "That's good, son", Mystere's father said, beaming. "My son is going to be an architect" Mister Mystere decided. "Mother, beer me", Mystere's father yelled. Then he turned on the TV. "Game's on" Mystere Sr remarked throwing his weight into the barcalounger. Mystere's mother emerged from the kitchen. "Here is your cold beer, darling". "Thank you very much, my love" Mystere Sr said, slapping his wife on her rear.

"Oh, my" Mrs Mystere squealed. "Now I've got to get back to the kitchen. We're having pot roast tonight". Mister Mystere took a swig of his beer. Then he turned to look at his son. To his horror little Mystere was playing with a Barbie doll. "What the f*ck are you doing with your sister's doll, boy" Mister Mystere demanded. "It's my Barbie" little Mystere explained, a big smile on his face. "No, son" Mister Mystere yelled. Jumping up from his chair Mystere Sr snatched the doll from his son's hands.

"Boys do not play with dolls" Mystere's father angrily reprimanded his progeny. "Not unless they're fags. And no son of my is going to be a f@g". Little Mystere started crying. "I want my Barbie" Mystere blubbered. Tears ran down his cheeks. Mister Mystere's face grew red. His hands started trembling with rage. He clenched his teeth in anger. Then he unbuckled and removed his belt. "Come here, Mystere", the father commanded. Mystere, thinking he was going to get his doll back, approached his father with his hands out. "Barbie!" Mystere said, asking for the doll.

"NO, bad Mystere!" Mystere Sr swept up his son and put him over his knee. Quickly pulling down his britches, Mister Mystere gave his son several whacks with his belt. Mystere's ass turned a bright red. Little Mystere started balling. "Wahhh, wahhh" Mystere cried. Mister Mystere put his son down. Then he snapped the Barbie in half. Little Mystere pulled up his pants, ran to his room and buried his face in his pillow. Mister Mystere followed his son to his room. "I demand you stop your blubbering!" Little Mystere continued crying.

Then Mystere Sr sexually molested his son. "I am so embarrassed. I shouldn't be doing this" Mister Mystere told himself. Yet he couldn't stop. "This is your fault" Mystere's father said when he finished. "You will never tell your mother about this!". Mister Mystere hitched up his slacks and left his son's room. Little Mystere sobbed as he thought about how much his throat hurt and his butthole throbbed.

"Mom, I think I'm attracted to boys, not girls" a teenage Mystere remarked one day while helping his mother in the kitchen. His mother dropped the plate she was carrying. It hit the floor and smashed into a million pieces. His mother let out a shriek. "Oh, my G0d!" Mrs Mystere cried. Then she fell to her knees and started sobbing. "My son is going to Hell" Mrs Mystere cried, her voice quivering. What have I done, Mystere asked himself. "I'm sorry mom, it was a joke". "Homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord" Mystere's mother said, scolding her son. Then she slapped him across the face.

"I'm sorry, mom" Mystere assured his mother. Tears welled up in his eyes. That slap really hurt! He helped his mother to her feet. "I'm straight, I swear" Mystere lied. Mystere and his mother sat at the kitchen table and read the Bible. "I am so worried that you will burn in Hell" Mystere's mother told her son. What she didn't know was that Mystere had lain with a man as a man lies with a woman. It happened earlier that year, shortly after he turned 16.

"This is so wrong, Chad" Mystere told the boy lying on the bed next to him. Both Mystere and Chad were naked, having just made love. Chad turned to face Mystere. He kissed Mystere full on the lips, inserting a little tongue. "Is your dad still sexually molesting you?" Chad asked. "Of course not. It was just the one time when I was 7" Mystere replied. "And then a few dozen times after than. Off and on for a few years until I was 14. Then it seems he lost interest". Mystere's voice trailed off. It almost seemed to Chad that Mystere was disappointed that the molestation ended.

Mystere rose from the bed and quickly dressed. First he put on his bra and panti3s, followed by a shirt and his jeans. "That your sister's underwear?" Chad asked. He knew it was. Mystere stole them from her dresser drawer. Wearing women's underwear made him feel sexy and confident. "I can't see you again, Chad" Mystere said as he finished dressing. "Let me guess why" Chad replied. "Is it because you aren't a f@g?". "That's right" Mystere replied. "I'm not g@y, I'm a sinner".

"Please forgive me, God" Mystere whispered to himself. Then he left. Although he and Chad hooked up many times after that. Two years years later Chad dumped him when he went away to college. Mystere was heartbroken. Also angry. If he wasn't gay why did it feel like he couldn't go on without Chad in his life? He was such a gentle and attentive lover.

Now what was Mystere going to do? He found himself wandering down to the bus station many nights. There he discovered he could pay homeless men for oЯal sex. The dirty hobo accepted the 10 dollar bill and reached for Mystere's pants zipper. Mystere slapped his hand away. "I want you to drop your drawers" Mystere sheepishly explained. "Whatever" the bum replied. Then the bum unzipped his jeans and let them fall, along with his underwear.

Mystere became well known at the bus station. The one near his home and others for miles around. Mystere got a job at a local radio station running errands for the staff. In the evenings he rode for hours, stopping at various bus stations where he paid dozens of men for sex. "What am I doing?" Mystere asked himself. He was so ashamed. Luckily he did not contract AIDS. Something he discovered after getting tested at a local clinic. It turned out he had a common STD that was curable after taking meds for a few weeks.

After that Mystere buckled down and put his nose to the grindstone. He cut together commercials at the radio station where he worked. His boss seemed satisfied with his work. Or so Mystere thought. Until the boss man called him into his office one afternoon. "Your work really stinks, Mystere" the boss said. "I have heard, however, that you are really good at giving BJs". Mystere obliged his boss and kept his job. Although the boss brought in an assistant who did most of the work.

That's how Mystere became his boss's boy toy. Bob (his boss) was 56 and Mystere was just 21. "I'm not g@y" Bob told Mystere every time. "Thats OK, I'm not g@y either" Mystere assured his boss. This went on for several years. Mystere stopped riding busses and blowing homeless men. His boss insisted. Bob was quite angry when he found out and gave Mystere a beating he never forgot. Mystere's boss was really happy with the work the assistant was doing so he decided to give Mystere a raise.

Mystere moved out of his parent's house and into an apartment. "When are you going to find a nice girl and get married?" his mother asked. Mystere's boss decided to give him a shot as the sports reporter. Being a big fan of the WWE Mystere jumped at the chance when the boss said an interview with the wrestler Rikishi would be his first assignment. Rikishi was putting on a performance at the Staples Center one night and Mystere arranged an exclusive interview in the locker room.

Mystere was nervous but he thought it went fairly well. The sound man packed up the equipment and indicated to Mystere that it was time to depart. "I'll take the bus home" Mystere told him. His co-worker shrugged his shoulders and drove off. Mystere wandered back into the locker room. Steam poured from the showers. Peeking inside, Mystere spotted a nude Rikishi lathering up. He was entranced. "You like what you see?" Rikishi asked as he continued stroking his enormous d0ng.

"I'm sorry" Mystere stammered. "It's OK" Rikishi replied. "Why don't you get undressed and join me?" the wrestler asked, to Mystere's amazement. Mystere quickly shed his clothing and joined Rikishi in the shower. They embraced and started kissing. Then Rikishi pushed down on the top of Mystere's head, forcing him to his knees. "Wow, you are really good at that" Rikishi remarked after Mystere finished.

"for a straight man, I suppose so" Mystere replied. "Yeah, I'm straight too" Rikishi insisted. "That's the first time I've ever done anything like that". After dating for a few months Rikishi paid Mystere's landlord so he could get out of his lease and they moved in together. Mystere kept his job for awhile, but his boss was not happy when Mystere told him he wanted to break off their relationship.

"There is no reason for me to keep you on if that is the case" Bob informed Mystere. But that quickly changed after Rikishi threatened to beat Bob senseless. Mystere was relieved. He had planned to tell Bob's wife about what was going on, but as it turned out, Bob was getting divorced. "That skank was sleeping around on me. And now my Mystere is dumping me!". Bob wept. A few years passed. Mystere continued to collect a paycheck, even after he decided he was going to stay home from now on.

Eventually Mystere found out he was being fired. One day Mystere was sitting on the couch watching cartoons and getting high smoking weed when the phone rang. "This is your new boss" a voice on the other end informed Mystere. "You're fired" the voice said. "What!" Mystere exclaimed, shocked. "Bob blew his brains out last week. I was going over the payroll and found your name. Everyone here says you haven't shown up to work in months".

And so Mystere became a househusband. After Rikishi proposed and he accepted. "It's just a legal agreement between two bros" Rikishi insisted as he slipped the ring on Mystere's finger. "This certainly doesn't make us f@gs". "OK", Mystere agreed. If it meant he could get high and watch TV all day he was for it. Plus the sex was fantastic! Given that Rikishi was hung like a horse.


Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. wym080. TF-7.

Mystere Blows A Gift Horse

"I have been lying low for awhile, but I have returned" Pookie Toot Toot told Mystere. Pookie the pooka often appeared to Mystere after a few tokes from his bong.

"I've missed you, my friend. But why did you go into hiding?" Mystere inquired. He was relieved to see his mythical acquaintance, an 8 foot tall humanoid with the head of a fish. He had been worried something had happened to him. "I was traveling the outer planes" Pookie explained. "It was quite the adventure. I encountered an avatar of Baal and only narrowly escaped with my life".

"Wow" Mystere remarked. "Baal is the God that asswipe Dervy worships. At least that is what my buttboi Don Key told me". Pookie looked annoyed. He did not know who either of these people were, nor did he care.

"My wounds were great. It took me a long time to recover. That is why I haven't been able to visit you" Pookie continued, attempting to steer the conversation back to HIM. Mystere thought on what his friend told him, then he said "I scarfed a lot -- and I mean a LOT -- of shrooms last weekend in the hopes you would show up, but you didn't. Now I know why".

"See this" Pookie said, holding up his left fin. An angry red scar ran horizontally across the appendage oozed pus. "Not yet fully healed. Baal just about ripped it off" Pookie said, wincing. Then he farted. Loudly. A stink cloud with the aroma of digested seaweed and feces enveloped the two. "That smells fantastic!" Mystere (an eproctophile) exclaimed, drinking in the fragrant toot.

Just then Mystere heard the front door open. A short while later a burly heavyset man entered the living room. "I thought I would find you here" Rikishi grumbled disapprovingly. "Getting high, as usual". Rikishi's nose wrinkled up. "It smells like fish farts in here" the wrestler said, sniffing the air. "Not bad" he decided. "You had sushi for dinner?".

"No, my friend Pookie is here", Mystere explained, pointing to where the very tall fish man stood, dripping slime onto the carpet. Rikishi looked where his husband pointed, but saw no one. "After a long day of wrestling I am far too tired for sex. I am going straight to sleep" Rikishi announced. "I do, however, expect breakfast in bed. 6:30am sharp! Followed by my morning BJ". Rikishi turned and left.

"He didn't even acknowledge your presence" Mystere said. "How rude". Then, thinking of the morning BJ, licked his lips. He was really looking forward to that. "That's OK", Pookie replied. "It often takes an altered conscious to perceive me". "Yeah, I guess he couldn't see you" Mystere deduced, taking another hit from his bong. He opened his mouth and several puffs of smoke escaped his lips. Mystere giggled.

The room started spinning and he passed out. Mystere drifted off and soon entered REM sleep. A large stallion trotted through a field of daisies and clover. Seeing Mystere, the stallion approached him. Then it turned, lifted it's leg, and took a long hot piss.



Steam rose from the urine-soaked earth. Mystere breathed the fumes in deeply. When the steam dissipated Mystere noted with amazement the size of the stallion's member. "Magnificent!" Mystere marveled. "I'd really like to get my hands AND mouth on it" Mystere declared, his voice filled with lustful desire. "You are in luck", Farmer Jones replied, approaching from behind Mystere.

Mystere turned to face the owner of this fine animal, Farmer Jones. "I will allow you to do with my stallion whatever you wish. Consider it my gift to you", Farmer Jones informed Mystere. "This stallion, I can attest, is an excellent blow horse who will soon fill your mouth with copious amounts of white gravy".

Mystere licked his lips in anticipation. Suddenly (just as it was about to get good) he was rudely awakened from his dream by the incredible sensation of a rough tongue licking his butthole. "I didn't think you'd mind", Pookie insisted. An incredibly long forked tongue slowly retracted, accompanied by a loud slurping noise. "Not at all", Mystere replied, the dream fading from his memory. "You can do that some more if you'd like".

"No, I'm good", Pookie said. "I've got to be going, in any case". Before Mystere could say anything, Pookie Toot Toot began to fade away, transitioning to the ethereal plane. This was an innate ability of his kind, as Mystere understood it. Standing, Mystere took a step and tripped and fell because his pants and (My Little Pony) undies were down around his ankles.

"Oof", Mystere cried as he went down. He tried to push himself up, but his hands slipped in a puddle of fish slime. Mystere went down again, smacking his head on the living room floor. "F*ck!" Mystere muttered, sitting up. "Hey, this isn't slime, it's my poop", Mystere said, licking his hand. Or maybe it belonged to his dog, Buttstink. He was housebroken, although Mystere rarely let him out to do his business, so he just pooped (and peed) wherever.

Looking out the window, Mystere noticed a full moon. Light from the glowing satellite filled the room. The clock read 12:20am. Mystere placed his hands on the coffee table and pushed himself to his feet. Pulling up his undies and slacks, Mystere noted with alarm that his 3 baggies of marijuana, along with his bong, were missing. He was certain they had been on the coffee table earlier in the evening.

"Damn!" Mystere screamed. Pookie must have swiped them. This wouldn't be the first time either. Mystere fumed. He had used the remainder of his weekly allowance to buy that pot. Now he was going to have to go 2 whole days before he could get high again!

Mystere yawned. Time for bed, he decided. Making his way to the bedroom, Mystere slipped in between the sheets next to his slumbering husband. Rikishi snored loudly. Remembering the dream, Mystere donned his noise canceling headphones and placed his head on the cool pillow, hopeful he would soon be back with the magnificent stallion, bobbing down below with ferocity as the powerful stud bucked and neighed in ecstasy.

Note: This post was written in response to a 9/14/2018 Mystere post titled "Dervish Blows His 1 Gift Horse", but that blog has since been removed by g00gle for a TOS infraction. I'm guessing that it was reported by Mystere's friend, Irl Hudnutt.

See also the 5/27/2024 post, ed end0 Huffs Horse Farts. This is a bl0g I created after Mystere started attacking my bl0gs, resulting in several of them being locked temporarily, including this one.

Post authored by the anti-Trump Leftist Bastard Dervish Sanders. wym075.